Changing Values

Toasting with a wine glass I caught after accidently breaking it's stem.

Changing Values

12/30/10

It's part of 'Great Turning'

where people stop and reconsider

what's priority in life now,

not just presently this day

but in year, or decade

because importance shifts with age,

often hard for youthful understanding

when looking at elder's choices,

less gregarious perhaps, more focused

toward a few life dreams

instead of many imagined before,

as thoughts around dying legacy

surface to influence energy output,

helping decide worthiness of efforts,

aliveness, any pursuit brings individual

and how community is effected,

remembering there's balance to maintain,

all work and no play

doesn't support one's changing values.

Planting Seeds

My raised garden beds made of old redwood deck boards.

Planting Seeds

12/29/10

Yesterday before the rains came

I worked on garden beds

adding soil, compost with worms,

then sowed chard, beets, carrots,

lettuce, peas, leaving two fallow,

put chicken wire over top

to keep birds, cat out,

guarding potential for the future

and now in new 'den',

the wee trailer transformed from

guest room and Art's quarters,

there's 'little child' curiosity, excitement,

about what will creatively transpire

in this year's coming adventures

born from structure, disciplined strictness,

of continually feeding my soul

by writing in dark morning,

anticipating first light and sunrise

while planting seeds on paper.

On With It

My evolving 'den' which was used as the 'guest room' in the 8x12 trailer.

On With It

12/28/10

Time to take sharp aim,

direct action toward what calls

deemed important beyond selfish scope

of life's mundane survival efforts,

desire for committed intimate relationship,

or anything else as scapegoat

that serves long held procrastination,

having had writing ideas forever

about stories of future world

which essentially works for everyone,

also commentary on human insanity,

books about acquiring 'soul authority',

'earth wisdom', aimed toward youth,

plus finishing my 'Returners' novel,

designing questionnaires for 'personal diagnosis',

while penning poetry for publication,

including recollections around Spitzer family,

and tales depicting my trail

after getting on with it.

Afterward

My constant companion Wing, at home in the woods.

Afterward

12/27/10

Christmas can stir many emotions

igniting highs of nurturing joy

watching young and old interact,

be enthused, playful, often surprised

by words uttered, affection displayed,

as everyone smiles and laughs,

a peak experience in contrast

to regular less populated days,

where sharing with family, friends,

can be few, far between,

which stands out in hindsight

when thinking about my interactions,

communication, giving, instigated by me,

how little I reach out,

keep updated by frequent contact

with those professing love for,

while living singularly, only animals

are daily companionship to exchange

love for each other afterward.

Here Again

Friends and acquaintances at my February 2007 'farewell' party.

Kintra Community Hall, Isle of Mull, Scotland

Here Again

12/25/10

Another cycle rounds the turn

on straightaway to year's finish

and so much has transpired

as I think of past,

different Christmas holidays over decades

enjoyed with many loved ones,

some now in spirit world

others rarely seen, conversed with,

yet all have imprinted me

leaving mark in joyous heart

from my splendid good fortune

to be born 'Kevin Spitzer'

experiencing brother, sisters, and parents

while growing older, becoming man,

discovering extended family in friends,

acquaintances, girlfriends, wives, mutually blessed

in sharing life's fleeting moments

exchanging gifts of smiles, laughter,

hugs, best wishes here again.

At Peace

Lone sailboat at dusk on Monterey Bay. Seabright Beach, Santa Cruz, California

At Peace

12/24/10

This time of year

provokes most to contemplate

one's place in Universe,

how life's being lived,

what isn't working now,

did in past year,

plus dreams of future,

hopefully through this peering

there comes an understanding

that emotional turmoil informs

about what's greatly treasured,

is the leading thread

to core soul values

underneath distressed ego antics,

wanting, needing energy expression,

bottled up or distorted

from insane societal consumerism

trying to make sense,

recognizing craziness can direct

toward living at peace.

The Dawning

The Sun cresting eastern horizon from my ridge top home through 'dragon's breath'.

The Dawning

12/23/10

Especially during long winter nights

first light takes forever coming,

with more patience for Sun

to peek horizon, reveal brilliance,

so it is with wisdom,

the great lessons we learn

by being with, moving from

personal darkness, less than admirable

ways imbedded in our past

needing essential healing, soul discernment

aware of myriad 'security' threats

which often disrupt status quo,

recognizing change, no matter investment,

pointing toward new surprising direction

born of Unknown, without expectation,

while opening to wide range

of blazing life force energy,

playful, free, creative, vibrant, spirited,

that acknowledges the dawning Infinite.

Ideas

Capitola Wharf and New Brighton Beach 'cement ship' in background pierced by a rainbow.

Ideas

12/22/10

Humans think they know best,

can solve problems at anytime

believing they're masters of destiny,

ably figuring, reconfiguring as needed

though life is magnificently willful,

unpredictable, railing against labels, boxes

trying to pigeonhole omnipotent 'Source',

this 'Force' of omnipresent diversity

that's beyond control, barely manageable,

and only when letting go

of expectations societal norms dictate,

then fresh insights can emerge

original ways of approaching Existence

without binds from traditional perspective,

ingenious thought can become difficult

dodging yesterday's land mine obstacles,

while emotions confuse, then clarify,

shine light on brilliant jewels

waiting in darkness, as ideas.

End, Beginning

'Lord of the Isles' castle ruins at low tide with rainbow.

Isle of Mull, Scotland

End, Beginning

12/21/10

One of my favorite days,

as Winter Solstice reminds me

that seed of great light

is encased within darkest days,

even as death finds everything,

everyone, life continues on unabated,

so it is with hope,

dreams of future possibilities, potential,

even in most forlorn circumstances

when what's cherished begins disintegrating,

or full out torn asunder,

beneath the rubble are jewels

of lessons bequeathing amazing powers

bringing ability to peer emptiness,

feel unencumbered soul's worthy direction

inspired by world of miracle,

hearing voice of Source guiding,

encouraging, one more step forward,

embracing end, beginning day anew.

Step By Step

The over 5,000 year old legacy of the Callanish Stones in the West Hebrides.

Isle of Lewis, Scotland

Step By Step

12/20/10

It's 'keep going' perseverance

that accomplishes any dream,

whether large, small increments

with rest between sprints

of action or thought,

there's the continual revisiting

which furthers manifestation process,

often a lonely journey

even though 'muse' joins

helping articulate your artistry,

whatever unique creation awaits

one's intention toward legacy,

the beauty we'll leave

when all is done,

until then daily attention

opens our intuitive awareness,

visual, auditory, kinesthetic senses,

inspiring decision making strategy

occurring step by step.

Renewed Alignment

Completing a round of 'tslagi' in my 'medicine wheel'.

(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Renewed Alignment

12/18/10

Life is forever this

in world of change,

as experiences effect growth

while information disrupts peace,

feelings ignite as messenger

for continuing, stopping, adapting,

whichever rings presently true

understanding the temporary nature

of any stand taken,

and there is Essence

at core of 'being'

that is sober witness,

calling 'lost nomad' home

to rediscover the marvel

surrounding one's miraculous Existence,

through awe, wonder, curiosity,

remembering the sacred attributes

endowed in all individuals

when embracing renewed alignment.

Every Path

My 'motorcycle course' in northwest Scotland, Sept. 2006

Every Path

12/16/10

No matter the choices made

putting us on particular course

any life direction can challenge

throwing us into virgin territory

even if similar to prior,

but now older, hopefully wiser,

we adjust differently to situations

depending feelings of comfort, discomfort,

deciding what's acceptable or not,

how messy life can be

before taking stand, saying 'Enough!',

using disruptions as message signal

though interpretatively up for grabs,

wondering if experience enriches soul

supporting movement toward growth, evolution,

rather than emotional roller coaster

blocking access to clear action

on any number of fronts

every path will undoubtedly traverse.

Focused Awareness

Concentrating while using a circular saw on home project.

(photo by Art Durand photography)

Focused Awareness

12/15/10

Consciousness is presence,

what grabs attention

is but object,

appealing to subject's

senses becoming thoughts,

yet there's 'soul'

at our core,

observer behind all

individual ego antics,

everything we value,

judge good, bad ...

it's 'deep seat'

of 'true Self'

living without desire,

need, effort, intent,

simply witnessing mind,

emotions, world, life

that engages Mystery

within focused awareness.

Move Forward

Storm brewing above Monterey Bay, Santa Cruz, California.

Move Forward

12/14/10

There's no other alternative really

when day before went badly

as life served up lemons,

shockingly so in the moment,

of course 'great character builder'

though I have enough already,

it's time to find humor,

make light of 'perfect storm'

that comes every so often

testing my foundational strength, integrity,

the principals I readily espouse

while breathing into what's needed

without blame against self, others,

more like taking 100% responsibility

trusting perfection of 'what is',

knowing lessons will be revealed

bestowing wisdom to balance expense,

efforts, when righting ship's course

so projects can move forward.

New Creations

Great friend Art Durand ready to leave on adventurous 6 month photographic road trip.

New Creations

12/13/10

Good buddy Art is gone,

off land, out of trailer,

on road to great adventure

inhabiting what's always been dream,

perfect timing for his rhythms,

like magnificent painting, sculpture, music,

or book written by author,

it's the lead up to

actual manifestation that takes time,

stewing in one's poetic juices

while bits, pieces, get organized

in mind, body, heart, soul

becoming a synergistic alchemical mix

that catalyzes energy, musters courage,

clears pathway for 'the muse'

who takes artist beyond reasoning

into realm of synchronistic magic,

miracle, destiny none could predict,

where new creations show up.

So It Is

Road signs in England near my friend Mark Jeffery's home.

So It Is

12/12/10

Life gives me clues

as to what's next,

or ideas for handling

shifts, changes, living offers

in service toward growth,

if I pay attention,

will look for message

within seemingly disparate signs,

sometimes just simple affirmation

bearing grand wise council,

like today on radio

listening Harijiwan Khalsa speak

about kundalini system, chakras,

stating acronym for G.O.D.

being 'Generation, Organization, Destruction'

which startled in simplicity,

a plainly stated equation

of stripped down reality,

so it is, everywhere.

Who Knows

Taking in Monterey Bay at Seabright Beach, Santa Cruz, California.

(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Who Knows

12/10/10

Life's nothing but surprises,

and depending early childhood

plus experiences becoming adult

I can either welcome

or fear what's next,

discerning it's friendly universe

full of magic, miracle,

where things 'work out',

instead of bitter reality

with constant disappointment, sadness,

depressed by world events,

personal striving and loss,

always my personal choice

when entertaining thoughts with

outlook of curiosity, adventure,

upon waking each morning,

yet it takes courage

to embrace daily insecurities,

trusting one's wise soul

who knows, is, secure.

Domain

Tomb slabs for 'knights' buried on the Isle of Iona, Scotland.

Domain

12/9/10

It's not age but wisdom

that make king or queen,

different from knight and lady,

prince, princess in youthful romance,

the 'life territory' to oversee

is sprawling, changing, grandly diverse,

demanding presence, deep compassionate understanding

of one's cause, effect influence,

able to respond as needed

without negative knee jerk reaction

when jumping to sudden conclusions

about interpreted events in kingdom,

where brash declarations create war

within self, allies, those loved,

instead take time, trust process,

listen concerns of those involved,

stay centered, balanced, on purpose,

rule the moment with soul,

love, claim royal heritage as

divine monarch of personal domain.

I'm Willing

Playing field of the 2010 World Champion San Francisco Giants at AT&T Park.

I'm Willing

12/8/10

In caring for myself daily,

while aware of inner workings

through this practice called 'writing',

there's discernment between 'being' states

and thoughts, feelings inhabiting each,

to some, overboard self absorption

contemplating my belly button infinitude,

yet in hindsight it reveals

choices made on road traveled

where in attempting to rescue

ineptness within life's playing field

I look to extract wisdom,

discover underlying seeds of sanity

based on what 'soul' dictates,

thus garnering essential great understanding

of what's really important here,

now, influencing choices for balance,

vitality, available as wise council

I'm willing to courageously follow.

Paradoxically

Daren Commons and I after work on 3rd story water tower 'top', later 'craned' into place.

Lakeside Organic Farm, Watsonville. 2007

Paradoxically

12/7/10

Intuition runs counter mind's intellect,

often what makes sound reasoning

doesn't manifest in desired results,

overwhelmed by business ... work harder,

faster, continually without taking break,

where actually slowing, contemplating course,

alleviates mistakes, dissolves imagined urgency,

finds graceful path with balance,

a turtle and hare tale,

instead of pressing for answers

being made miserable by indecision,

step back, doing something else

allows for solution to enter,

and within intimate relationship struggles

when one, both, aren't satisfied

it's time to please self,

revisit own individually important pursuits

mysteriously expanding ability for more

appreciation, clarity, love, experiencing values,

paradoxically bringing a couple closer.

Transparent

Clear view while writing from my 'croft' in the little village of Kintra.

Isle of Mull, Scotland

Transparent

12/6/10

I will not withhold

what courses through mind

effecting my heart, soul,

rather greet experiences authentically

revealing this moment's truth

courageously, letting chips fall,

remembering things change constantly,

and I do also

depending health and balance,

that 'choice' is mine

within all life territories,

some I've made badly,

run by fear, protectionism,

thinking safety is ultimate

though it contracts, deadens

attention to moving energies,

inward and outward opportunities

for expanding beyond mundane

through transformation's transparent veil.

When

Scottish hunter from days gone by with his canine companions.

When

12/5/10

It takes courage to act

on what's true for soul,

the intuition feelings point toward

though I often pull trigger

with false bravado as protection

thinking first strike wins fights,

where if not, I'm vulnerable

to mind persuading me otherwise

or heart stops to reconsider

then I'm again in muck,

uncertain, unclear, distracted by circumstance,

with confused energy muddling forth,

I'd much rather make stand

thinking I'm defending vitality, integrity,

even if later shown mistaken,

never so, as teaching experiences

that elucidate bring valued wisdom,

understanding of my makeup, others,

when claiming what's genuine now.

Loose Ends

Weaving loom at Ardalanish Organic Farm.

Isle of Mull, Scotland

Loose Ends

12/4/10

Life's full of them

demanding 'to do' list,

vision board, flow chart

for left brained folk,

in degree everyone is,

there's right side also

bringing in artistic sensibilities

more intuitive through feelings,

each person claims personality

within their unique matrix

combining ego and Soul,

influenced within omnipotent Source

which continually supplies threads

to weave rare tapestry

as 'creator' so original

you'll never be duplicated,

because inhabited 'inner universe'

of past, present, future

bears infinite possibility, potential,

loose ends, imitating stars.

Pace

Scottish 'rush hour' near village of Kintra I called home during fall/winter of 2006/2007.

Isle of Mull, Scotland.

Pace

12/3/10

Everyone has own rhythms,

some fixed, others mutable,

all fluctuating in degree

depending circumstance, emotional state,

past history of response,

people get categorized energetically

slow moving, or quick,

when moving one's body

at work, playing sports,

dancing, or around home,

often bringing interpretive labels

meant to denote intellect,

abilities, internal drive, competence,

from onlooker using filters

of society, family upbringing,

past experiences, becoming judgment

determining attractiveness or not,

forgetting to accept perfect

pace of 'what is'.

Indomitable

Winter view from one of many small chapel graveyards on Isle of Mull, Scotland.

Indomitable

12/1/10

Life force is this

from birth to death

where even our remains

feed next generative cycle,

and supposed 'primitive' societies

understood 'no separation' interconnectedness,

but our modern world

run by 'soulless' mind

makes judgments, distinctions everywhere

that fracture rightful place

of humans in 'hoop',

this 'circle' called co-existence

which needs healing now,

opportunities abound in individuals

for uniting mind, body,

spirit, emotion through love,

joy, beauty, integrated goodness,

then directing influence beyond

'Self' through indomitable 'Soul'.

Diligence

Friend and Scottish storyteller, Scott Corrigan, at old high hill 'dun'.

' Fort' near Kilmartin, Scotland

Diligence

11/30/10

This is persevering attitude

for all life's territories,

it means bringing presence

of 'can, will do'

to essential human needs,

plus inspiring extraneous desires

catalyzing many mysterious ingredients

outside confines of homogenization,

unique to each person

we embody our 'brand',

skills, talents known by,

proud of at death,

because of indomitable effort

we deemed personally important

became pact with 'soul'

where other activities paled,

following thread into Unknown

one foot after another

with diligence beyond measure.

To Self

A note to self: Connect my Spirit with Earth more often.

(photo by Art Durand Photography)

To Self

11/29/10

I must forever remember

when giving to others,

whether lover, family, friends,

clients, community, or world,

my continuous Earth connection

and 'Divinity of Soul'

intertwined with omnipotent Source

which permeates each breath,

making me more 'Spirit'

than human who struggles

through challenges mind creates,

stories about 'ego' control

activated by mirror reflections

life offers as fodder

when taking things personally,

wishing for different scenarios

that bottle joyful presence,

negates curiosity about Mystery,

constricts 'service' to self.

Another Day

Sunset above my humble home on beautiful tree lined ridge overlooking Soquel, California.

(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Another Day

11/27/10

After Thanksgiving dinner celebrations,

our bowling following breakfast,

then afternoon departure yesterday,

I'm back home, present,

in moment, listening rain,

loving wood stove heat,

my life, Mom, family,

dear friends, neighbors, acquaintances

around world, in town,

and my lover G

who meets me fully,

there's home, animal companions,

land, ancestors, myriad blessings

for having made choices

that delivered me here

as who 'I am',

becoming, being, while disintegrating,

holding onto nothing I

rejoice living another day.

Thankfully

The Spitzer Family in 1959

Thankfully

11/26/10

Preciousness strikes me

when opening heart

to feel love

I have now

for this life,

friends, family, lover,

acquaintances I've known,

my animal companions,

teachers, young, old,

our glorious Earth,

immediate land surroundings,

the trees, birds,

garden, wild growth

surrounding home, shop,

medicine wheel, where

praying for ancestors

Dad is remembered

having passed on,

thankfully Mom's alive.

Up To

Tapestry of vines bearing heart shaped leaves beneath the redwoods next to my home.

Up To

11/24/10

Lately I've been wondering

about my soul's intention

as it's veered about

magnetizing myriad life circumstances,

a path less traveled

that often was disconcerting

for my ego, friends,

family, lovers along way,

with it's stops, starts,

seemingly fractured rhyme, reason,

so distortedly crazy making,

yet, in second half

of this extraordinary adventure

I'm weaving found threads

into tapestry of wisdom,

(entertaining that flattering idea)

seeing the underlying interconnection

infiltrating experiences through trials,

tribulations, discovering what my

soul's been up to.

Variances

Cross country skiing near Inverness, Scotland. February, 2007

Variances

11/23/10

Fall weather

heading winter

brings shifts

in activities,

thought process,

food eaten,

clothes worn,

also potential

for work

that slows

if construction

is profession,

no lament,

I'm thrilled

accepting change,

the opportunities

surrounding creativity

filling mind,

heart, soul,

with variances.

Ingest

My nephew Tyler, turned 5, ready to ingest birthday cake with friends.

Ingest

11/22/10

Conversation around 'chemical attractions'

got me thinking again

about scientists finding particles

plus much space between

that constitute 'physical' reality,

there's also food eaten,

thoughts entertained, exercise regiments,

meditative private practices, love

with it's accordant feelings,

all pumping influence into

our 'sense making' brains

which map the territory

we've experienced, taken in,

promoting dreams of more

whether same, or unique,

all the while witness

to mind, body, spirit,

emotions, magnetizing present choices

of what, when, where,

if, we'll ingest opportunity.

Lost Memories

Photo to remember use of work shop as art studio.

Lost Memories

11/20/10

Are they ever really,

perhaps just misplaced synapse

tucked into gray matter

where sacred remembrances sleep,

special vaults connecting feelings

which become body awareness,

subtle 'inner knowing' sensations

we can't quite place

while it effects attractions,

our intangible guidance system

of intuition, instinct, perception,

still mystery to scientists

but not lovers, poets,

artists who follow threads

invisible, ethereal, yet apparent,

sensed as provocatively real

within imagination sharing space

next to files containing

all life's lost memories.

Kiva Moons

A summer full moon with golden grass, not the green of November's first kiva moon.

Kiva Moons

11/19/10

Advancing weather system heralds

complete 'full' lunar cycle,

accumulated snow to 2500 ft.,

rain for lower elevations,

I hear fire, metal,

interact in Ben Franklin

old wood burning stove,

'Wing' dog breathes contently

warm just feet away,

smiling, writing, drinking tea

my body says 'Yes!'

as mind delights knowing

winter will provide respite

from busy outdoor activities

enabling inner world exploration

in my work shop,

bringing ideas to Earth

and on blank pages

waiting to be filled

during Kiva Moons dreamtime.

In Support

The San Francisco Giants playing defense during their 2010 World Series Champion season.

In Support

11/18/10

Within interdependent world

we meet many

who provide services

for mundane existence,

grocer, policeman, clergy,

every life aspect

has corresponding connection

to others involved,

where all rise

or fall accordingly,

granted in degree

when society fluctuates

economically, politically, militarily,

with repercussions felt

far and wide,

making daily self-care

essential practice so

whenever needed changes

arrive, we're ready

participants in support.

Play Part

'On the job' of remodeled 3 story water tower structure at Lakeside Farm, Watsonville, Ca.

Play Part

11/17/10

If we don't speak up

when life gives the opportunity

to reflect on another's actions,

the effects that ripple out

whether good, bad or indifferent,

then occasion to expand evaporates,

especially when 'on the job'

where delivered doors, assembled poorly,

will be returned as opening

for deeper understandings to come,

a worker can refine abilities

while manager revisits quality control,

I get to discuss integrity,

craftsmanship, with client as assurance

that health of relationship depends

on honesty with full disclosure,

airing out dissatisfaction so expression

might activate growth between participants

who play part in manifestation.

To Earth

Satellite view of the 'Isle of Mull', Scotland. My home for 5 months, winter of 2006-2007.

To Earth

11/16/10

How is it

humans have forgotten,

taken for granted

life bestowing Mother,

the Divine Feminine

always giving birth,

what keeps us

in our heads,

out of body,

our sacred vessel

filled with Her,

why don't we

walk, have visit,

get in touch,

discover the Mystery,

interconnectedness, and wisdom

She exudes, whispers,

models, waiting our

contact to Earth.

Stealth

My girl 'Wing' fully aware of sights, sounds, and 'smells' on recent walkabout in the woods.

Stealth

11/15/10

To own animal instincts,

one's strength, grace, fierceness

when hunting for authenticity,

fully claiming your responsibility

while hungrily stalking Life,

it's outcome whether success

or failure, depends awareness

on 360 degree surroundings,

every interior/exterior movement,

exercising essential balance, determination,

because 'wounded' won't survive

if unable to act,

pounce boldly for fear

that advance will cripple,

leaving them victim, prey,

incapable of following scented

full aliveness each day,

whereas 'health' bristles vibrancy,

attuned stealth, and power.

Through

I'm a 'Horse in the Clouds' in Chinese Astrology. Seeing a fiery one here galloping into sunset.

Through

11/13/10

It's done deal,

homey knows 'home',

owning my life

like an animal

owns each moment,

movement, itself, environment,

fully in power

to effect surroundings

just by presence,

while stealthily hunting

for distorted beliefs

around living, love,

sentimentality, partnership, promises ...

forget planning future

doesn't matter anymore,

time wasted worrying,

'I'M HERE NOW!',

moving instinctually, boldly,

fiery, fully alive

through mysterious world.

Resurgence

Jen and Dan Grady at beginning of pregnancy.

Their little girl arrived 11/12/10.

Resurgence

11/13/10

Indomitable life carries on,

babies are born daily,

brown, dry Californian soil

sprouts green with rain,

hidden seeds held dormant

turn vibrant, pulse electricity,

even as light shortens,

harvest foretells death cycle

of winter's cold grip,

for some, not others,

either way a precursor

that heralds inevitable spring,

summer, seasons continuing circle,

changing moment to moment,

not to be cursed

but embraced as adventure,

keeping us aware, attentive,

on toes, peering, wondering

what resurgence will arrive.

No Hold

My hands and interlocked fingers.

(photo by Art Durand Photography)

No Hold

11/12/10

Great pleasure, joy, love,

invariably can hook us,

create desire for more,

a grasping and clinging

which rings death knell

for surprising natural unfoldment,

freedom then gets caged

when trying to reproduce

that which 'once was',

never to be again

always an impossible dream

within ever changing world,

better to be curious,

open to what's next,

emotionally flexible when receiving,

following, sequential virgin moments

without comparison, feeling awe,

wonder, for miraculous adventure

no hold can keep.