Monday, February 28, 2011

Spiral In

Plants and Buddha hunker down, immersed in rare cold morning with snow.

Spiral In

Seeds lie dormant
within garden of potential
occupying human heart, mind,
body, and spirit uniquely ours
as manifested this day and next,
each one an opportunity to root
beginning again the deep process
that eludes if forever engaged
by survival issues of capitalist economy,
like the magic of a plant's impetus to grow
tuned in and activated by Mystery
we also are miraculous incalculable entities,
beings who move and act for reasons
often beyond society's 'rational mind',
where inspired rhythms driven by connection
to Unknown Life Force play us,
will forever escort our consciousness
toward curious, wondrous adventure if open,
able to relinquish control of direction,
allowing self to be sparked intuitively onward
instigating an unraveling in cellular memory
tied inextricably to past, present, future,
letting go urgency of imaginary timetable
so we can thoroughly enjoy present moment
living the grace full immersion brings
when we spiral in following our soul's urging.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Wind And Rain

Scottish weather bearing down on Lochbuie coastline.
Isle of Mull, Scotland.

Wind And Rain

Why does my spirit soar
whenever Scottish like weather arrives
all blustery, wet, and powerful,
making no excuses, or taking names,
not caring what people think
just pushing things around
turning over what's been hidden
shaking loose old brown leaves,
breaking dead branches, saturating everything,
giving new posture to whole forest
moving limbs, trunks of oak,
redwood, madrone, bay, eucalyptus
in drunken orgy of clattering,
a radical dance to rare tune
as sounds whistle through air,
drops of water smack hard
against pavement, windows, siding, roof
with a diverse syncopated rhythm
constantly improvised, never the same
when sheets of fury are unleashed,
torrents carrying angry droplets
attack with ferocious 'kamikaze' energy,
stirring the ravenous beast in me
who'll create upheaval in mad search
for that which sustains raw aliveness
to match Nature's stormy wind and rain.

Friday, February 25, 2011


A wonderful kind of 'mental floss'. Looking to the east from my workshop side roof.


Waiting patiently
pen in hand
for words to surface
from calm breath,
mind that's open,
asking what wants light
hidden beneath feelings
of yesterday's making,
or culmination from many,
that creates residual
which becomes layered crud
blocking emotional intelligence
and guidance if ignored,
but I won't, can't,
being kind of addicted
to this personal expose
once just for self,
now splattered on blog,
a form of 'mental floss'
cleaning brain crevasses
clogged by experiences
leaving unhealthy debris
blocking effective synapse,
keeping me from recognizing
myself, life, as magic,
miracle, when entering stillness.

Thursday, February 24, 2011


I always resolve to finish a job I started, like Lani's retaining wall and redwood deck.


If lucky,
persevering, brave,
most obstacles,
discomforts, illness,
conflicts, disagreements,
or dissonance
igniting emotions
that surface,
can lead
to resolution's
intertwining wisdom
in future
when remembering
process experience,
as darkness
leading toward
faraway light
at end
of tunnel,
the rebirth
into world
wholly original,
fully celebrating
life changes
embraced with
hidden resolve.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

What's Possible

A 'layered' example of miraculous possibility taken from my workshop deck.
Loma Prieta with snow.

What's Possible

I like thinking anything is
even when life shows me otherwise,
in hindsight I see lost potential
imagining how things might have been
played out under different circumstances,
if 'only I had ...' or 'hadn't done ...',
half torturing myself with 'successful fantasy'
the old 'what if' game that entertains
until coming back to 'mean street reality',
is it any wonder why people escape
through distractions, self medication and such,
no longer willing or able to dream,
so tired of 'things not working out'
as desperately hoped and prayed for,
this diminishes key ingredients creating miracles
being so disgruntled with 'lot in life'
we given up looking or believing
that there are better options
wanting to make their presence known,
whenever we connect with indomitable Spirit,
our intangible unexplainable immutable Soul
intertwined within Mystery's 'great turnings'
forever witnessed through Mother Nature,
realizing our world consistently renews itself,
makes way for surprising layered diversity,
pushing the limits of what's possible.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Relinquish, Open

My open hand.
(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Relinquish, Open

Eventually time puts distance between
what once was, and no longer is,
where residuals of past dissolve, soften
all the tension unfulfilled desires bring
arriving as angst when ease, flow, cease
in concert with 'trying to make happen'
something that's not meant to be,
I witness this doing construction work
whenever obstacles find their way in,
ably obstruct ability to sally forth
accomplishing a certain aspect of building,
but invariably if I put it aside
doing what's obvious, self evident,
then my 'sub-conscious' tinkers behind scene
answering questions in the interim
until I view 'challenge' with new eyes,
realizing previous timing wasn't right
because new information was needed
for decisions and action to show themselves,
this is process I've experienced frequently
thinking it functions in many 'life territories',
not to push the river, instead listen,
pay attention inner landscape of acceptance,
decipher messages using language of the heart,
trusting through patience all is made clear
as I relinquish, open, stay true to Self.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

First Day

The front of my 'tree house' home.

First Day

'of rest of life',
is a freeing thought
leaving past in dust,
all failures and success,
born to new moment,
this original rain, sunshine
that's never happened before,
not carrying any baggage
about should've, could've, would've,
just clean virgin slate
coming across yesterday's remnants
as if ancient treasures
abandoned from previous ancestral
resident I vaguely know,
who has left clues
to unfold my Soul,
resources, tools, books, ideas,
in old work buildings,
mysterious womb like den,
garden full of plants,
and house with items
which make me wonder
who arranged these things,
what sensibilities were inherent
within this human being,
generously leaving behind opportunities
for my first day.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Another Year

In motorcycle rain gear visiting the 'sentinel standing stone' and the Lochbuie 'stone circle'.
Lochbuie, Isle of Mull, Scotland.

Another Year

What have I done with myself
as it's not easy to remember
all that's transpired since last birthday,
but fortunately there is record
in all these books of 'pros-etry',
so I picked up last journal
started in previous April of 2010,
felt pang when reading first entry
'It's Time' stating what I'd begin
conjunct with writing new poetry collection,
seeing how I've been distracted again
from doing what I deem important,
to be fair, I've accomplished some
though not enough for my liking,
certainly time spent otherwise is worthy
while continuing to learn life lessons,
yet, as spoken by dear friend
added to my saying 'I'm crazy.',
she said, 'Yes, crazy and untamed.'
plus other reasons for loving me,
bringing thoughts how I've dampened Self
when trying to fit 'societal sanity'
that I never wanted, or could,
perhaps not meant in this lifetime,
where my strength, passion, drive, simply
arrives when living another year outrageously.

Friday, February 18, 2011


Mid ride on Big Dipper at the Santa Cruz Boardwalk.


It takes me time to readjust
after reading 'tea leaves' of 'what is'
reluctantly imbibing the antidote for lethargy,
apathy, that hangs on my limbs
like rotten fruit having evaded harvest,
when dreams, aspirations, miss their mark,
especially if they were mind altering big
where huge transformation would have ensued
effecting every territory in my life,
as an Aquarian this has often happened,
denying 'reality's' parameters for 'fantasy'
until bold writing is on the wall,
then it's back to my drawing board
taking stock of all I have neglected
once spell to illusions are broken,
though leaving love still worthy of belief,
risk, unwilling to think otherwise
being sentimental romantic fool like that,
often initial sadness turns to odd relief
when realizing how unprepared I was
for monumental shift if it materialized,
while again picking up pieces of Self,
seeing tendency to skirt basic truths
around what living demands at my age,
in this world, of ever changing circumstances,
asking me to reorient, restructure, constantly.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Clean Up

Cleaning up in my outside shower a couple years ago.
(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Clean Up

I can be sloppy in life
with relationships and interactions,
loose with my mouth, thoughts,
giving little regard to effect
until something strikes at heart,
awakens me, from ego centered stupor
when Aquarian nature can disregard
what anyone else thinks of me,
yet does, if informed of trespass,
which there have been plenty of,
some shown immediately, others later,
bringing sense of sad failure
from not being more aware, sensitive,
justly fair to family, friends, acquaintances,
again realizing how blind I can be
to the mess created by callous inattention
thinking in the end it doesn't matter,
but in meantime dodging invitations,
responsibility, to be positive influence,
create beauty, leave world better
for my being here at all,
without myriad piles of 'incompleteness',
resources not utilized, dreams undone,
because of procrastination, arrogance, apathy,
finally getting how things can be 'righted'
if I clean up past careless indiscretions.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


My dog Wing and I during 'downtime' kayaking on lake near Mt. Shasta, California.
(photo by Raven Stevens)


We all need a break
from the 'catch if you can'
world of striving for accomplishment,
or when living becomes mundane,
gray, lifeless, while bone tired
of continued struggle onward, upward
if luckily on positive trajectory,
still very often hard work
to wake up and have at it again,
biding time for brighter day
when foreboding skies will clear,
make way for sunny new outlook,
most people know this pendulum
swinging us through moods, emotions,
where each extreme magnifies the other,
feeling really bad enhances future good,
and visa versa in comparison,
knowing joy amplifies intolerable sadness,
yet each reminds of transient
'This too shall pass.', eventually,
bringing gift of full emotional palette
helping us experience our Existence
as a wonderfully unpredictable adventure,
often times not really comprehended
until loss, or some great turning,
gives us pause to embrace downtime.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Just Me

Who else? Just me.

Just Me

I've come home to familiar place,
yet virgin, as life lessons find integration
since a mutual letting go of relationship
perfectly dodging Valentine's Day awkwardness,
my thoughts now return to what's wanted
in so many territories that are incomplete,
the plethora of dreams awaiting my energy,
passion, committed focus, and perseverance
which often take backseat to love,
intimacy, and presence partnering asks for
whenever the joy of such finds me,
of course, today it rains, but that's okay,
as this 'Hallmark' event is inward invitation
where I witness what my soul's been up to
at various points in past and present,
realizing again that I'm 'different bird'
than many who happily share living,
whether married, shacking up, dating,
and it's okay, I'm comfortable being freely alone,
not tied intimately to latest heart's desire
while we both go our separate ways
to care for neglected business at hand,
honoring ourselves, the journey of learning
unique to yesterday's circumstances and sensibilities,
then awaking tomorrow to an 'original self',
just me, newly loving who I am now in world.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Unanswered Prayers

Friends praying at shrine near Malin Head, northernmost point of Northern Ireland.

Unanswered Prayers

To be thankful for these
hopes and dreams without fruition
pointing me down different road,
instead of every desire fulfilled
just because I 'want it',
some ego contrived perfect fantasy,
and there are many daily
bringing frustration from missed 'entitlement'
predicated on society's maddening array,
any number that sidetrack authenticity
while keeping 'up with Joneses'
when comparing haves, have nots,
thinking greener grass is there,
no yonder, just beyond rainbow,
which makes me wonder about
fate, destiny, law of attraction,
the latest gimmicks for manifestation,
never quite 'loving what is'
always needing next little accomplishment
in order to feel empowered,
safely controlling Life's joy stick,
but perhaps missing core intention
whenever an unexpected result erupts,
reminding one of 'soul dictates'
attached to wired inner world,
unfolding through many unanswered prayers.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

What's Balance

My sister Mary Ann and brother Keith balancing their lives with volleyball.
Main Beach, Santa Cruz, California.

What's Balance

In ever changing world
people find necessary routines,
for most around work
then shoehorn extracurricular activities
if time, after chores,
things that must happen
to support meeting ends,
the avalanche of bills
coming to visit monthly,
where frequently there's neglect
in mind, body, spirit,
when managing pent emotions
deemed inappropriate or disruptive,
inconvenient to say least,
while holding strict reins
to adapt into society,
even as we resist,
subtly surfacing passive aggressiveness,
tension, stress, often dissipated
through pressure release valve,
our mouths, words spoken,
shouted, screamed, disgusted with
capitalist military industrial complex
keeping us forever teetering
between sanity and insanity,
asking ourselves, 'What's balance?'

Friday, February 11, 2011

Change Many

Raised water tower structure in preparation for new foundation.
Lakeside Organic Farm, Watsonville, California.

Change Many

Habits can be hard to break
whether drink, drugs, tobacco, caffeine,
throw in sex and love as intoxicants,
then there's constant work for survival
unless you have lots of money
and even that brings patterned response
perhaps in needing more, as greed,
or worrying incessantly about losing it,
include our supposedly healthy routines
like this daily writing of mine,
for what, but to feel good, virtuous,
imagining I'm doing myself, others, service,
mothers, fathers take pride in consistency,
teach manners, etiquette, to fit society
which is full of norms and mores
on march toward progress in future,
all these dig deep grooves in us,
in brain's gray matter, through repetition,
and it's difficult escaping the matrix
created my emotional connection to life,
either from failings or successes,
the former, in relationship, often debilitating,
yet, I remember when quitting cigarettes,
where written in book that freed me
was wisdom, 'Pulling one item
from interdependent parts creates longing in rest.
Change many and your whole being finds transformation.

Thursday, February 10, 2011


Expressing a little 'energy' in workshop with baseball bat and stuffed duffel bag.
(photo by Art Durand Photography)


It takes time, experiences,
to enter 'dis-ease' state
where tensions build up
infiltrate thoughts and action
creating energy for shift
that will continue magnifying
until some release happens,
which from patterned suppression
over years of living
many humans have learned
how to contain emotions,
tightly locking down expression
thinking it's courageous act
able to dissolve dynamics,
overcome triumphantly ones adversity,
even if 'inappropriate' anger
erupts through 'upper limit',
still, victory is claimed
for holding so long,
interpreting 'explosion' as integral
when remembering life lessons
so never to repeat,
perhaps, slowly is better,
unwinding in bits, pieces,
mirroring journey of 'distortion'
as healthy 'unstuck' process.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Make Sense

I've often been a little troubled in my life.
(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Make Sense

Every person views a different world,
feels emotions unique unto themselves
in varying magnitude, for different reasons,
and thoughts contemplated are diverse,
there is no one who can follow
or fit any mold our living might depict,
each of us alone on singular journey
though we may walk side by side
along similar path of understanding,
agreeing life plays out in patterned ways
with myriad systems to contemplate Mystery,
using filters that activate comfort, discomfort,
opening us for lessons, inspiration, wisdom,
again particular to personal place in time,
yet, I must shamefully confess
through my life and most recently responding
on blog where a dying man is writing his experiences,
bravely, without censor or apology
for how he's lived and who he is,
I arrogantly, minus sensitive forethought,
throw out my 'two cents' as if it mattered,
thinking I 'know something', have an exalted view
from my 'fragile glass house' on ridge top,
when in reality it reveals I'm a fool,
full of bravado, crap, just playing with concepts
to 'make sense' so I feel safely in control.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Contain Myself

Building blocks that I've often depended on.
(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Contain Myself

Periodically over near 57 years
I've found that hopes, dreams,
not rooted in realistic estimation
of what can possibly be done,
by me amid surrounding circumstances,
often convey how I overextend
in regards to finance, relationship,
projects at home wanting accomplishment,
arrogantly thinking how I'm capable
just by waving hand with bravado
as if all is destined to happen
because of innate intelligence, energy,
gumption, that's certain to pull it off,
until building block here, there,
is shown to be an illusion,
perhaps once having real substance
but now, due to neglect, it fails
while intangible passionate desire fades,
only appearing in shadows of past
memories of how I used to be,
within disconcerting personal pattern
Life again gives me renewed chance
for evaluation with discerning eyes,
what capacity I have as older man
hopefully wiser from repeated experiences,
to joyfully contain myself through daily living.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Little Progress

Rare moment of simple relaxation without doing anything at Seabright Beach.
Santa Cruz, California
(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Little Progress

At end of week or day
I'll take stock of efforts,
see if results boost morale
and placate my inner critic
who is perfectionist at heart,
often accused of lacking one
when discernment turns to judgment
wanting strict consistent performance
without much room for pleasure,
thinking there's always more to do
in many of life's territories,
which is true to great extent,
but balance must have it's way
taking time to rest, catch up
with spirit, all my parts
for recharging, then ... anticipate future
feeling into what I want to happen
from relaxed place that's enjoyable
with no need to perform right now,
instead dream of final completions
whose memories and legacy are possible
if I continue with strategic pace,
intention, and direction that produces,
pleases me, plus those I effect,
whether it's two forward, one step back,
a little progress is preferable to none.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Crucial Focus

Kite coming down to earth at Pescadaro beach in California.

Crucial Focus

It's easy to drift,
play with possibilities,
as time slips away
onward into Unknown,
where reality dissolves
becoming this moment's thought
that colors perception,
neither here nor there
it slides around,
touches, activates brain synapse
in illusory cosmic dance
without connective roots,
floating above physicality
perusing the playing field
of all life's territories,
marveling diverse, flexible Existence
that is kite in wind,
only tethered to humanity
by semi-conscious link
of brain mind, heart emotions,
which are often chaotically
juggled in midair
until solidity arrives,
descends, as turbulence dies off,
peaceful spirit regains foothold
inherently bringing crucial focus.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Only Now

Contacting my muse.
(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Only Now

My mind plays with options, scenarios,
whether anticipating tomorrow work flow,
arrangements in trailer turned writing den,
images of playing softball after year off,
envisioning art studio and things to create,
plus any number of home, land projects,
all with underlying 'feel good' properties
when entertaining thoughts of active completion
while staying disciplined and on purpose,
I also wonder about what future holds
in regard to evolution of love relationships
with faith Life will show itself perfectly,
but uneasiness arrives before my curiosity
as any number of possibilities take hold
each time I 'try on' how it might transpire,
then corresponding scenes become dominoes
revealing as they fall what could happen,
who I'd be, become, according to results
based on who I'm with and my age,
what will 'home' look like to accommodate
shared dreams for self, partner, perhaps family,
presently all residing in Unknown Mystery,
and eventually I'll find peace with this,
even get excited about discovery, adventure
of stumbling upon destiny of 'what's true',
reminded only 'now' is where transformation begins.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Another Level

Abandoned 'tin mine' on the southeastern coast of Cornwall in England near St. Agnes .

Another Level

Discomfort is evolution's precursor,
like canary in coal mine
warning of danger if ignored
while pointing toward appropriate shifts
to ensure continued healthy surfacing
of what's needed to survive and flourish,
unsettled uneasiness can arrive in extremes
because of too much or too little,
a swinging pendulum that's crazy making
with no time to relax between
for both contain fear at core,
underneath there are different kinds of teachings,
many archetypal that generations before knew,
yet for individuals, no matter age,
unique strains accompany stages of living,
each with own form of urgency
recognized by clenched throat, stomach,
making heart race with dread
wondering capacity to transcend angst,
whether if what's required is within me,
am I willing to turn world upside down
in search of 'essential truths'
waiting as revelation when following scent,
coming back to 'self and life',
always the only relationship that matters
when asking to advance yet another level.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Shifts Are Coming

Latest clean cut look.

Shifts Are Coming

When I look around
after blinders are blown off suddenly
from some incident that's intolerable,
incongruent with what's wanted,
then I get fired up to act,
pull in reins on 'loose goose',
'feel good', 'living in a dream' world,
by bringing up my rear guard 'realist'
who begins a warrior's regiment
to oust any enemies of peaceful existence,
mine, or on this miraculous blue-green Earth,
'back to basics' is the creed shouted as command
with symbolic gestures of cutting hair,
letting go ideas about cultivated image,
while starting tally of 'what is'
in every territory that's my life
using designs and systems of self diagnostics,
having my 'soul as witness' do the discerning,
seeing what antics 'ego' has been up to
called 'robes of distortion' or 'personas',
who often believe they run the show
and have frequently from time to time
whenever I sleepwalk, become undisciplined,
so now renewed allegiance is pledged
toward vitality, integrity, maintaining a balance,
that's powerful, creative, clear and active,
realizing shifts are coming to my existence.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011


Being 'tempered' and 'powered' by the fires of life.
(photo by Art Durand Photography)


Emotions like anger and disgust motivate,
bring big energy to change existing circumstance
if aimed at problem, not at oneself,
even though I perpetrated the predicaments,
those unwanted situations that demoralize,
make me question, wonder my intellect,
how thought process got me irritably here
feeling a bind which threatens everything
because there's desire to tear asunder
the apathetic normalcy I've accepted,
this glass house trying to accommodate opposites,
a good little conformist, and disgruntled rebel,
latter being pacified if all goes well,
but when things go badly, unexpectedly so,
due to discerning 'edge' having been softened
which allowed for missed details over long period,
in hindsight judged as lost opportunities to progress,
then the 'Mad Celt' wants to cleave,
wreak havoc on old debilitating structure,
throw out and burn all that kept me asleep,
dull, satisfied with little civilized ideas, comforts,
my routines, philosophy, and world view
giving false sense of controlled satisfaction,
where in ashes, rubble, once known as complacency,
I'd search, discover the powerfully worthy real truth
to fuel rebuilding inexhaustible fiery core.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Try Again

Moving energy at Seabright Beach, Santa Cruz, California.
(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Try Again

It's all I can ever do
upon remembering yesterday's disappointment,
or some hole I've dug for myself,
whether debt with soaring interest rates,
work that's turned into unexpected struggle,
relationship shifting from 'choice point'
agreed upon, but not enthusiastically so,
where again I look within, without,
take stock of my accumulated predicament
placing discerning value on efforts,
witness how I've let ball drop
on dreams, in territories thought potent
as part of destined master plan,
while holding myself responsible, accountable,
with no one else to blame,
recognizing personal nature and patterns,
how in striving for spiritual life
of 'first peace' filled by equanimity
that I've fallen into complacent malaise,
forgetting my ancestry and kingly duties,
to live excitedly inspired life, fruitfully creative,
unwilling to ever entertain emotional defeat,
give up on my promise and potency,
be apathetic about inner, outer domain,
instead, releasing anger, I recommit 'Self' to renew efforts,
courageously try again, awaken, and refine my sensibilities.