Big Dance

Sushila and Owen, married July 30th, 2011.

Big Dance

7/30/11

Today there's a wedding on ridge

for Shushila and Owen, long destined,

which promises to be wild ride

with 150 guests saying they're coming,

I'm in charge of parking cars

as my gift, it makes sense

since I know lay of land

where ground is hard, soft, questionable,

these events have their own destiny

just like Woodstock or Burning Man,

once it starts momentum takes over

and people in group find themselves

entering altered state just from experience,

often discovering and expanding worldly perceptions

by interacting within realm of joy

shared in open hearted love celebration

listening music of Existence, 'Source' playing

life affirming melodies of the miraculous

when two souls find each other,

resonating, vibrating at frequency both share

while traveling on winds that surprise,

energize, and inspire those who witness

their coming together in committed manner,

this is not about living small,

instead large, without restricting expression

of wonderful pinnacle in 'Big Dance'.

Approach

Running approach to re-enter Monterey Bay, at Seabright Beach in Santa Cruz, California.

(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Approach

7/29/11

How we address an opportunity

is great predictor of outcome

as journey determines ultimate destination,

wherein pressure to perform admirably

can constrict naturally flowing grace

free from expectation's attached desire

that often sabotages any success

when a push, pull process

brings distorted atmosphere effecting everything,

everyone feeling an underlying dissonance

from lack of freedom, creativity,

and relaxed state that opens

ability for profound acute focus

while riding constantly changing waves,

rather settle into expansive trust

of one's capacity to adapt,

be flexible, amid insecure world

ruled by unpredictability as norm

which happens every precious moment

whenever virgin territory is entered,

being aligned with this takes

vulnerable courage to loosen grip

releasing tight control that anticipates

worst case, often attracting such,

instead sensitively steer subtle energies

with confident approach until completion.

Understandings

Ready to 'spar' at Seabright Beach, Santa Cruz, California.

(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Understandings

7/28/11

On the other side of friction

that gets expressed by 'sparring' partners

is land where milk and honey

flow freely as love, appreciation, joy,

if each participant has essential opportunity

to reveal their truth, the underpinnings

of their actions, words, taking responsibility

for having 'called in' dissonant experience

so to deepen, learn, grow expansively

this 'human' being 'spirit' in physical

realm that often challenges our sensibilities

and sanity, because we weren't created

just to keep adapting to stressors

an imbalanced society levies on citizens,

like some inhumane penalizing regressive tax

incurred for incarnating in this world

where 'original sin' Christians talk about

separates us from celebrating individual uniqueness,

infecting people with fear of unworthiness

believing there's nothing to say, do,

capable of inaugurating a shared consciousness

with others encountered during daily ritual

in theater of the absurd, lonely

though in crowd, shuffling through debris

filled streets of disconnected shallow conversation

hiding foundational understandings civilization depends upon.

Speak Up

Peaceful gray waters reflecting fog at the Santa Cruz Yacht Harbor.

Speak Up

7/27/11

Children often receive mixed messages

to be seen, not heard

unless asked, then vocalize loudly

enough while being respectfully humble

around adults, using courteous manners

purposefully dodging controversy and discomfort

so as to blend in,

peer criticism at school dampens

urge to opine, stand out,

when problems need appropriate address,

there are relationships to navigate

whether at work, with lover,

in town during daily interactions,

where not wanting 'boat rocked'

that may disrupt peaceful co-existence

has us 'biting our tongue',

even as tension builds inside

becoming exponential friction if unspoken,

it's huge shift to claim

one's voice and self authority

whenever opportunity arises for intervention,

especially unhealthy longstanding dysfunctional dynamics

born from unchallenged distorted habits

the 'user of' cannot perceive,

until in courageous friendship act

we speak up about observations.

Focus Attention

Wing on her pillow focusing attention on being relaxed.

Focus Attention

7/26/11

Contemplating, looking out upstairs window

I witness bat attempting familiar

return to day resting place

between rain gutter and fascia,

'Wing' sleeps on floor pillow,

'BK' grooms his feline fur

next to me on couch,

friend Sean is awake downstairs

here for work this week

furthering projects, beautifying, birthing creativity

in surprising and graceful ways

according to many intricately seen

potential manifestations that have percolated

in my imagination for months,

waiting for perfect juxtaposed ingredients

such as materials, timing, manpower,

willful energy following intuitive knowing

of what wants to unfold

within myriad territories around land,

home, workshop, rearranging 'what was'

into original miracle of delight,

whenever listening well to Guidance

through body, mind, spirit alchemy,

choosing threads of electric joy

resonating from possible million destinies

which remind to focus attention.

Ramping Up

Buddha with bird bath and potted orchid in side garden.

Ramping Up

7/25/11

Often happens

time comes

to get

with it,

keep after

things neglected,

new arrivals,

while dreaming

what's next,

swirling possibilities

cross screen

of consciousness

as witnessing

Buddha mind

picks, chooses,

prioritizes scenarios

as author

who willingly

involves body,

spirit, emotions,

in dance

that co-creates

new world

from old,

channeling energy

ramping up.

Sacred Activism

Gitanjali Lori Rivera, Jennifer Holt, involved with 'Week of Ecstasy' celebrating Rumi.

( interview soon to be 'archived' on www.kzsc.org)

Sacred Activism

7/24/11

It may seem Americans are devoid

of giving back to troubled society

in capitalist world of winners, losers,

where everyone's busy living egocentric life

trying to insure immediate individual survival,

still believing in separation and enemies

that create 'us versus them' mentality

whether with plants, animals, other humans,

constantly wondering what will 'bite them'

when perceiving surroundings as hostilely unfriendly,

yet, there are those seeing otherwise

who recognize interrelated divinely cooperative Universe

united by light, love, joy, beauty,

behind, underneath, in all human distortions,

witnessing the dimly lit spirit inhabiting

every person living in quiet desperation

having been there, and escaped sentence

to be forever imprisoned by fallacies

prior generations imbedded in 'collective consciousness',

they want to be of service

brightening the 'life force flame' waiting

for encouragement to blaze in fullness

from seat of powerful 'soul authority',

acting as kindling, mirroring each other

through appreciation, kindness, compassion, becoming allies

joining superordinate goal deemed 'sacred activism'.

Following Threads

Part of my ridge top homestead in the Soquel hills, viewed from unruly garden area.

Following Threads

7/23/11

Forever things to do

around house, in workshop,

garden, and on land,

often coming across incomplete

project that patiently waits

for life giving hand

to usher next phase

into manifestation, gracefully so,

as I'm unwilling anymore

during 'mature' years to

orchestrate something without finesse,

otherwise dangerous break occurs

inside mental, emotional wellbeing

because what's been created

reflects stressful process used

which often ends badly

with results viewed negatively

through hindsight, from seeing

how perfect solution arises

when given more thought

outside any urgent need

shouting 'Get it done!',

remembering journey is destination

and beautiful life tapestry

is executed slowly, enthusiastically,

following threads of joy.

Reveal

Exotic flower blossom seemingly emitting 'light' from core.

UCSC Arboretum, Santa Cruz, California.

Reveal

7/22/11

There's more than meets the eye,

much harder to see when moving

fast in progress oriented capitalist world

propelled by fear of not enough

without vision depicting shared cooperative life

connected by 'superordinate goal' worth attaining

that allows time to savor miracles,

each entity in marvelously diverse Creation

really meeting others with kinesthetic empathy

which opens heart gateway to love

feeling tremendous light emanate through appreciation

while taking in 'wholeness' and 'beauty'

of one who captures our attention,

whether animate or inanimate doesn't matter,

there is exchange of 'bio-photon' radiation

superseding DNA as a health prognosticator

when there's sincere adoration going on

minus some agenda about taking advantage

for temporary pleasure or personal gain,

putting everything on table insures intimacy

where inherent trust and honesty prevail

instead of holding back what's 'true'

because it's embarrassing, or judged unacceptable

in imagination by partner you value,

better to get it out completely

and reveal inner process of soul.

Catch Up

Brother Keith, niece Adrienne, river guide, friend Zeke, and me on Tuolumne River, Calif.

Catch Up

7/21/11

Personal priorities take precedence these days,

not work for money, radio station,

business in general that needs attention,

becoming 'secondary' when friends come visit

only to wait for 'primary' slot

after welcome distraction from duty departs

leaving me to collect myself again,

make lists, remember those over due commitments

to create questionnaire, write blog

entry as 'Program Review Committee' member,

start making calls to organize projects

while peering timeline for other events,

retrieving past, imagining future, though present

for next action that wants expression,

it's like I've traveled side tributary

of river headed toward grand destination

that my soul is purposefully riding

and physical container now lags behind,

fortunately I orchestrate the daily schedule

being own boss as self-employed builder

plus architect of the living design

which is artful story I write,

full of twists, turns, unexpected occurrences,

kachinas, disrupting loosely planned flexible trajectory,

realizing dreams ask for follow through

demanding I catch up with timing.

Rhythms

Playing guitar on my 50th birthday in the 'Catalyst' garden room. Feb. 18th, 2004

(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Rhythms

7/20/11

At what beat am I optimal

when it comes to high performance

at work, in life, and relationships,

as drummer within adjusts to circumstances

according to some inner soulful musician

who can find most appropriate groove

that feels right in speed, timing,

sensibilities, easeful flow defined as grace,

even in challenging pressure cooker situations

where smile on face depicts attitude

of optimism born from anticipating success,

while a frown says I'm searching

for more accompaniment to emerging song

in way of lyrical poetic symbiosis,

aligning myself with 'what is' now

supported by all of miraculous Creation

encouraging me to shine inherent light

distinctly channeled through this physical form

living the space between notes played,

this takes refined ear for listening

to what heart has in store

leading way toward orchestrating melody waiting,

wafting in slowly from future dreamscape

able to spark enthusiasm for more

dance hammering of thought into form

within rhythms unique to my spirit.

Endure

My sister Donna, Mom, sister MaryAnn. All mothers who lovingly endure life's challenges.

Endure

7/19/11

How much life feels like purgatory

can be a barometer of happiness

and joy taken from mundane activities,

whether working hard in hot sun,

making dinner for hungry family, oneself,

doing laundry, paying bills, cleaning house,

often it's just accepting aging process

more difficult the older we get,

extremely so for mother near 88

where health becomes crisis to bear

while mind runs amok playing tricks,

and fear is companion when alone

with death seeming nearer for her

than those youthfully seeking any distraction

to counterbalance despair in crazy world,

which for thousands of tortuous years

has served up madness to masses

as distorted human beings rape Earth,

defile one another through war, greed,

so out of balance they're blinded

by desperate fight for basic survival,

unable to grasp self-inflicted group misery

born of racism, sexism, religious fanaticism,

classism, building of military industrial complex

so prevalent as to deter visions

of peaceful future we'd lovingly endure.

Minutiae

Exotic blossom on plant growing at University of California Santa Cruz Arboretum.

Minutiae

7/18/11

Political leaders deal with 'macro',

throw around big ideas, concepts,

promote grand schemes, potential promise,

look into future for salvation

from present problems of citizens,

economy, military conflict and crises

of confidence threatening their jobs

while feigning sincere compassionate concern,

dodging real reasons for stand

taken, wanting room to move,

bankers, corporate heads, are similar

when vagueness permeates their intentions,

not liking spotlight that scrutinizes

tiniest back room shady deal,

it's not until things fail

within mundane nuts, bolts world

startling people from manufactured reverie

that 'devil in details' arises,

where more scientific approach prevails,

for a time, investigating truth

behind smug best case scenarios

proselytized by those ravaging democracy,

turning discussions into sound bites

large enough to create stereotypes,

unlike botanists who identify plants

by comparing differing specific minutiae.

After

My friend Ed Snodgrass, visiting from Maryland, surprised again by Santa Cruz weirdness.

After

7/16/11

Once energy is expended,

money spent, game over,

to do list done,

house cleaned, grass cut,

garden watered, workers gone,

things back in order,

laundry finished, bed made,

emails answered, blog entered,

rested from sleeping in,

dreams forgotten, food digested,

moon, stars, hidden again

from fog filtered dawn,

there's pause to take

because dear friend arrived

having been years away

remembering old configured home,

different shower, new kitchen,

changed landscape, and workshop,

new motorcycle in shed,

greenhouse attached, trees bigger,

guest trailer now den,

more resources in stacks

laying around waiting use,

wondering what day holds

in way of surprise

that we'll savor after.

Relax

Looking relaxed.

(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Relax

7/15/11

Here's a key to high performance

that's difficult accessing when feeling urgency,

or need, caught up in desire

for some accomplishment ego deems important,

a reflection of it's ultimate worth

seen from observer's eye as great,

it involves keeping things in perspective

where all activities have own relevance

which pale when compared to death,

yet fear of this inevitable transition

becomes a hindrance for living fully,

not wanting it to come prematurely

we don't risk our precious significance,

instead cower from anything that resembles

a dying, like failure when striving

to expand into Unknown developmental realms

while learning one step at time

retrieving knowledge and wisdom about 'Self',

finding there's life on other side

of 'poor showing', to be compassionate

when remembering lifelong journey we've traveled,

all those events judged as catastrophic,

unsalvageable, bringing disgrace that appeared unforgivable,

only to realize a strengthening occurred

instilling confident ease toward future adventures,

able to effortlessly relax into Mystery.

Spinning Energy

Sunflower spiral from garden last year.

Spinning Energy

7/14/11

No wonder 'circles' represent wholeness

as container for all things,

where 'spiral' viewed from top

reveals tornado like creative potency

that moves flexibly as needed

delivering change when touching down,

there is no break between

the winds swirling toward future,

they involve everything in path

absorbing person that wants balance,

equanimity, the 'eye within storm',

while caught in paradoxical life

surreally viewed from centered calm,

air thin, feeling infinite pause

of observer who becomes hypnotized

into thinking that nothing moves,

yet recognizes the underlying 'is-ness'

pervading every grain of sand

vibrating at speed to solidify

and be itself, without question

which happens absent any consent,

personified whenever humans get lost

in whirlwind activity containing purpose

moving from 'gut' that knows

how effort, 'what, when, why,'

determines Existence through spinning energy.

In Order

Surprising genius of the pivoting 'Millenium Bridge' that rotates up for boats to pass under.

Newcastle on the Tyne, England

In Order

7/13/11

Amid chaos of daily life

full of traffic jams, accidents,

any number of unexpected turns

there comes desire for control,

some semblance that gives assurance

we have 'say' in process

to spur progress positively forward,

it could be cleaning house

or taking pictures off walls

with eye toward painting room,

remodeling, putting furniture somewhere else

that begins new environment creation

which ushers in virgin perspective

of original ideas spilling forward,

one influencing another developing matrix

sparking bursts of surprising genius

born from slightest thought impetus,

expansive dream landscape of future,

while playfully in between imagining

what wants to happen next

when using grace, beauty, ease,

as filters pointing appropriate direction,

often coming from nonsensical deliberation

entertaining possibilities whenever they arrive,

visions delivered within cosmic rhythms

in order to reveal Mystery.

What's Next

Highway from Utah into Colorado on BMW motorcycle.

What's Next

7/12/11

Forever the question that persists

whether asked excitedly or fearfully

it surfaces consciously and unconsciously,

can 'string out' into future

filled with dreams, desires, possibilities,

imagining best, worst case scenarios

which hinge on slightest change

of 'here and now' circumstances,

plus shifts in attitudinal perspective

influenced by recognition of 'truth'

that is personal, profoundly transformative,

even if relatively small, unassuming

in initial scope and breadth,

like butterfly wings affecting weather

on other side of globe,

to find answers requires inquiry

using whole sensory human capacity

fully aware of transitory 'Nature'

this physical world evolves from,

including us, while learning, growing,

expanding, discovering more of 'Self'

as 'Soul' working through 'ego'

so often uncomfortable 'not knowing',

wanting solid sense of direction

and 'intention' to end ambiguity,

forgetting curious wonder about Unknown

creates enthusiasm for what's next.

Resolution

Old 'tin mine' stone structure on coast near St. Agnes, in Cornwall area, England.

Resolution

7/11/11

To be upfront about dissonance

appearing in body as tension

that disrupts otherwise delightful equanimity

with another during a conversation

is risk which insures intimacy,

a canary in coal mine

needing attention paid to it,

quicker the better the adjustment

when clearing air, discussing differences

as specifically honest as possible,

chips fall where they may

paving way toward new understanding

especially if reinforced by acceptance

on both sides, trusting perfection

of 'truth' as clarifying agent

which when validated in moment

becomes springboard for deeper connection,

not made wrong or attacked

even when comments are unfavorable,

unflattering, depicting any illusory concerns

born from prior hurtful experiences,

it takes trust, knowing oneself,

valuing vitality to not compromise

integrity through inauthentic 'pleasing' exchange,

denials, to 'make it' work,

create problems needing later resolution.

Limbo

Spider web necklace with dew from fog.

Limbo

7/9/11

Defined as place between extremes

referring to heaven and hell,

or in 'attraction, manifestation' terminology

I imagine past and future

doing 'time' in present moment

that feels like sticky web

even when tackling little details

composing achievement on long list

of 'to do's' for completion,

it's being a ghostly shadow

walking in 'what was before'

as new world is slowly

unfolding with me in middle,

a snake sloughing off skin

while 'transformative self' underneath develops

not knowing who I'll be,

except for amazed, like dragonfly

going from water to air

in seeming uncontrollable dangerous process

where many potentialities could sabotage,

yet, somehow miraculous invention succeeds

uplifting 'life' on iridescent wings

becoming fantastic, as if always

destined to perform this alchemy,

no different than butterfly chrysalis

patiently waiting emergence from limbo.

Progression

A unmaintained redwood deck at the end of it's lifespan.

Progression

7/8/11

It appears quite evident

there's beginning, middle, end,

in this physical life,

no jumping to latter

before former has occurred,

where foundation comes first

then floor, walls, roof

followed by finishing touches

of paint, tile, carpet,

prior to moving in

though I've known many

living in 'undone' houses

while waiting on finances

that will complete project

though maintenance prolongs engagement,

seemingly same with relationships

when attraction starts process

and dreams become blueprints

born of excited possibilities

dance hammered into reality

through time, attention, emotions,

as purpose creates form

directed by integrity, vitality,

using available resource strategies

to insure balanced advance

calmly allowing natural progression.

Letting It Out

Either I'm trying to communicate something or I'm dancing the 'hula'.

(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Letting It Out

7/7/11

Something has shifted inside me

from work done with healer

around early wounding in childhood

that became distrust of feminine

not to be made mad,

or disappointed by telling truth

about gurgling fear in stomach,

while constantly monitoring emotional tension

and safety within unsafe world

I experienced as 'misunderstood anger'

as youngster knowing no better,

perhaps a dissolving has occurred

finally freed from hiding 'observations'

because I trust 'friendly universe'

filled with compassionate human beings,

one, in particular, a woman

who hears, feels what's said,

engages heart to heart communication

absent of unconscious trauma drama,

she holds basket for kachinas

large, small, or in between,

where I can be myself,

genuine, sincerely honest, troubled, magnificent,

letting what's real shape future,

instead of living 'make believe'

within dreams demanding optimal performance

derailed when letting it out.

Questions

Medieval prison near Edinburgh, Scotland.

Questions

7/6/11

With these, people are free,

while answers often imprison us

thinking we're secure in 'knowing'

and so blinders are attached

no longer looking deeper within

the dynamics of everyday living

or lessons around personal history,

plus spoken, unspoken social contracts

we all assume agreement with

treated as unchallengeable solid foundation

on which political world depends,

labeling everything, everyone for control,

displaying confident bravado as proof

that we're right, they're wrong,

within this doubts are discredited,

also fear, only to persist

as underlying resistance toward pursuit

of goal deemed undeniably worthy,

until inquiry into 'gut feelings'

reveal 'set in stone' agenda

is based on misguided pretenses,

calculations, where possibilities suddenly change

for better if caught early,

otherwise great unwinding must occur

from centuries of distorted perspective

because leaders disdained pertinent questions.

Old Friends

Old friends Randy and Erin at 4th of July birthday party for Randy.

Old Friends

7/5/11

Doesn't get much better

than visiting extended family

grown close over years,

loved ones who've witnessed

our antics through time,

highs, lows, failures, successes,

holding hopes of best

for rest of life,

encouraging resilience during struggles

while witnessing the expansion

and contraction we've done,

plus willingness to reach

into Unknown for rewards

made of golden wisdom

gleaned from 'hard knocks',

the familiarity is comforting

like brother, sister siblings

in 'great loving clan'

who recognize 'soul shining'

as interwoven connection ingredient,

sharing laughter, stories, events

which become living mythology

ably resonating in hearts,

minds, spirits, aging bodies

that on cellular level

feel safely at home

with trusted old friends.

Independence

Co-hosted July 4th radio show 'What's Left' at last 1940's 'RCA' studio, KSCO, AM 1080.

Santa Cruz, California

Independence

7/4/11

Is there such a thing

within interrelated country we share,

concepts of autonomy, sovereignty, pale

against backdrop of our planet

spinning in this interconnected galaxy,

or that there's 'chosen' people

found superior to all others

in teeming world filled with

diverse humans and their cultures,

even ownership of 'True God'

becomes laughable when many religions

claim credit, while pagans honor

'Life Force Source' in everything,

today Americans strut their stuff

conjuring simplified 'subjectively leaning' ideals

of what freedom really is,

most are ignorant of history

now reduced to sound bites

by 'talking head' politicians, media,

using buzz words often distorted

when translated to fit agenda

for groups enticing new recruits,

but rarely is responsibility mentioned,

let alone demanded of citizens

to do best, share resources,

get involved using intelligent compassion

many deem contrary to independence.

My Own

My own little medicine wheel.

My Own

7/2/11

It's after fact hindsight

that recognizes some compromise

I've made to integrity,

often defined as wholeness ...

equated to being 'true'

when engaging 'soul rhythm'

in pursuit of direction

with purpose, rightly timed,

having weighed plans, strategies,

while discerning appropriate actions

to manifest desired result

instilling natural vibrant vitality

surging through maintained body

housing freedom loving spirit

contentedly expressing creative juice,

'presence', in magical moments,

sparking powerful emotional energy

shooting arrow into target

considered a perfect unfolding ...

once dissonance is discovered

there comes adjustment opportunity,

stepping back to breathe,

feel space between worlds

conjured as possible destinies

pursuant to authentic path

making life my own.

Even Possible

Replica sword of 'King Robert the Bruce' of Scotland

Even Possible

7/1/11

When we expand the container

and timetable of dream manifestation

then there's room to breathe

allowing for ease and flow

without any pressure or stress,

wherein good decisions are made

based on careful cogent investigation

into what can be done,

some may call it procrastination

or denying spontaneity for fear

that mistakes could be made,

others might say it's violation

of many common sense principals

proven within human's historic annuls,

such as 'tension = energy = change'

each one dependent on next

where 'space' between first two

robs motivation to accomplish third

since discomfort provides urgent impetus

to 'strike iron while hot',

an ancient wisdom of blacksmiths

who invented 'tempering' for swords

understanding fuel necessary to attain

high burning fire that purges

impurities blocking evolutionary outcome, like

doubting dreams are even possible.

Realistic

A rebellious witness.

(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Realistic

6/30/11

I often loathe this,

something in Aquarian nature

or perhaps redhead influence,

even Enneagram Perfectionist 'One'

makes for idealistic zealot

rebelling mostly in mind,

used to publicly express

many 'right way' judgments

that criticized government, capitalism,

any number of things

deemed wrong, screwed up,

but friends and family

tired of the tirades

so I shifted gears,

silently bit my tongue,

began work on 'self',

started looking for good

witnessing personal strides, lessons,

in name of wisdom,

some deeper life understanding

meant to bring happiness,

consistent joy, while playful

on journey through 'space',

where everything is incredible,

diverse, altered, nothing's normal,

making dreams seem realistic.