Ending, Beginning

Early morning me.

(photo by Art Durand Photography)

End, Beginning

10/29/11

Living in a nutshell

this continuous cycle

I'm part and parcel of

forever changing

through

Soul connected Life Force

prevailing each day

in richly diverse pulsating Existence

as omnipotent

Form

which is also me

joined at hip

there's no escaping the miracle

we're in

One

teeming phenomenon so grand

how could anyone

get lost within their 'troubles'

missing blessings

Present

though I can find

melancholy coming around

when something that is valued

turns missing

remembering

ending, beginning.

Enough Already

My writing den with an overhead shelf full of poetry books I've written since 1980.

Enough Already

10/28/11

There are plenty of books

that contain myriad rambling words

about personal process of introspection,

'contemplating my navel' some say,

plus observations directed at world,

relationships, whether good, bad, between

work, spirituality, Existence, friendship, emotions,

really just a glorified diary

to revisit someday for memories,

and it's been great practice

in energetically clearing inner slate

as an early morning ritual

of gifting myself with time

to appreciate life first, foremost,

doing something I truly love

when being creative while writing,

birthing original 'full circle poems'

most days, exercising 'God' nature

bringing ideas into physical manifestation,

this I'll continue until death

though wanting form to change

while accommodating urge for exploration

penning expression of different types,

short stories, 'educational, philosophical, political'

commentary, finishing novel, editing poetry

with aim toward eventual publication

since I have enough already.

Small Joys

About to engage a 'small joy' on Southwest motorcycle trip.

Small Joys

10/26/11

I want to make a list

of these, and large ones also,

kept on refrigerator with a magnet

for reminder when feeling off, not

optimal, potent, and virile, more depressed

from some run of negative thinking,

forgetting birthright as unique miraculous being

'no less than moon and stars',

which happens while focused on 'lack',

as result of eccentric, rebellious nature,

my critical judgement mind that rules

in reaction mode whenever I'm disgusted

with 'self', seen from Life mirroring

the 'shadow commitments' creating my reality,

thereby making appreciation of blessings difficult

because comparisons point out hidden expectations

about where, what, I 'should' be

by this age, with accordant wisdom

around all daily human aspects, concerns,

luckily strong ancestral blood courses through

veins as Scottish, Irish, Romanian Jew,

persevering spirit 'with no give up',

or 'in', for long, to melancholy,

instead eventually celebrating gifts it brings

disguised as troubles, later to find

small joys magnified after pendulum swing.

Unenlightened

A view of Duarte Castle and the stone block of granite it's fortress walls were built upon.

Isle of Mull, Scotland

Unenlightened

10/25/11

Feeling this of late,

opposite past ecstatic times

when thought on path

to higher consciousness nirvana

full of continued exaltation,

again hitting humanness wall

seeing ways I sabotage

by judging myself, others,

this supposedly civilized world,

as old patterns surface

testing for footing friction,

they then seemingly find

ground that again supports

their arguments, views, attitudes,

which once reigned supreme,

perhaps I'm at edge

of some grand breakthrough

percolating from 'shadow' work

around 'integrity, intention, abundance,'

while revisiting childhood history

doing 'exercises' in book

'The Energy of Money',

pointing to behavioral traps

I've been caught in

during past and now,

where freedom is limited

by unenlightened egotistical perspective.

Out Of Step

Main entry door and steps to Duarte Castle of the MacLean Clan.

Isle of Mull, Scotland

Out Of Step

10/24/11

In last two weeks

a couple accidents remind

how easy it is

to fall from grace,

witnessing a 'failed presence'

because taken for granted

abilities were thrown off,

delivering wake up call

that has me wonder

what's underlying greater message

being pointed my way,

as alternate realities wobble

like a shimmering mirage

of one who's thirsty

for knowing which door

presenting itself will open

with future that coincides,

seeing past ways offered

still available and familiar,

while an original world

beckons from ethereal visions

glimpsed as winsome possibility,

things I'd do if

money wasn't an issue,

or happenstance arrives taking

me out of step.

Work Up To It

New top story of water tower structure being lifted into place by King Crane.

Lakeside Organic Farms, Watsonville, California

Work Up To It

10/21/11

So much is preparation

when wrapping mind around

what's wanted to happen

with things in place

to accomplish difficult task

whether short, long term,

where resources, tools, knowledge

need to be assembled

while asking pertinent questions

along winding road forward

collecting wisdom left behind

by those fellow travelers

who've made similar journey,

readily giving their expertise

about experience reaping success,

in end each person

lives with decisions made

for better or worse

judged by resulting outcome,

right pace without impatience,

listening small quiet voice,

paying attention gut feelings,

trusting intuition as guide,

minimizing possibilities for error

becomes mantra whenever I

work up to it.

Application

A creative bed 'headboard' to awaken under.

Application

10/20/11

It's vision

with willingness

for commitment

while daily

moving toward

goal completion

that can

take longer

due to

so many

dreams wanting

physical manifestation

from ethers

where creation

process starts

after awaking

each morning

as human,

being, becoming,

always changing

with circumstances

forever fluid,

often threatening

possible failure,

instilling concerted

application efforts.

Make It Land

Trying to 'land' some sentiments while singing at my 50th birthday bash.

(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Make It Land

10/19/11

Heard this concept during radio interview

of woman who wrote amazing book

about 'easy steps to acting craft'

saying the 'British love words'

where elocution becomes languidly rich pronunciation

that enters theatrical, musical, heavenly realms

as consumable gustatory expression finding home

on Earth through ears of audience,

delivered with unique breath, adding color,

depth, realism, drawing on operatic power

of such 'presence' that it startles,

invites, verily sucks in the observer

to become engaged by feelings intricately

connected with what is being said,

distinctively utilizing perfect pace, inflection, volume,

for situation so 'real', communication happens,

people 'get' one another, deeply, wholeheartedly,

transmitting true meaning from core origins

creating atmosphere that's rarely fully imbibed

in mad world stumbling over itself,

often harried, hurried, while hurdling toward

future without total embodiment of 'moment',

hardly remembered because it's barely lived,

and troubled past of persistent phrases

haunts psyche wanting escape, never free

until committing to 'make it land'.

Narcissist

Applauding myself after playing a song on my 50th b-day.

(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Narcissist

10/18/11

At 'Money Mystics and Manifestation Course'

meeting Monday night, once per month,

shadow work around this was done,

the audience as 'one entity' called

out descriptions while energetically embodying concept

in it's power, minus any constraints

or excuse for showing up fully,

where I disturbingly recognized similar attributes

as part of my 'persona' makeup,

next the group entered disowned aspects

of this shut down 'distorted robe'

wherein these appeared even more 'true',

while personal 'owning' filled my list

overflowing to next page without effort,

'coming to light' afterward I realized

those latter revelations as 'real deal'

and former just weak pompous trappings,

understanding past reticence in applauding Self

because of early program of denial

from Catholic religion demanding everyone's humility,

to family more easily managed without

big 'egos' of seven children taking

up space, time, resources each day,

toward end 'Big Mind Divinity' aligned

with 'dysfunctional human traits' poetically combined

at 'Apex', made it okay, without

guilt, to expressively be 'authentic' narcissist.

Uneven Ground

The uneven Earth at Koli's Crystal Mountain in Finland.

Uneven Ground

10/17/11

Not easy keeping balance

when Earth moves underneath

with gravity pulling down

on curvy sloped roads,

pathways up hill, dale,

so much getting underfoot,

there are high, low

choices to be made

from vista to canyon

under sun splintered canopies

and fully exposed expanse,

while work, play intermingle,

take ping pong turns,

all one then another,

bringing serious presence, laughter,

experiencing bumps in life

within topsy turvy consciousness

that's often easily distracted,

feeling entitled to receive

joy, pleasure, peaceful living,

as white American male

having had good fortune

in years fondly remembered,

now back to beginnings

humbled by Nature's rough

uneven ground of Existence.

Companions

'Byron Kitty' and 'Little Wing' dog.

Companions

10/15/11

I'm so very happily blessed

to have amazing animal creatures

sharing wonderful life with me,

'Byron Kitty' kneading my stomach,

'Wing' dog snoring on pillow,

these 'friends' like no others

so unconditionally loving, fully present,

exquisitely beautiful in their 'being-ness',

responsiveness, ways of uninhibited actions

which bring laughter, joy, wonder

about what they're thinking, feeling,

plus awe for unique shape,

embodied form, every perfect hair

precisely colored, placed, a masterpiece

created as one of kind

that fills heart to overflowing,

has me smiling in marvel

for how lucky I am

sharing many wonderful daily moments

whenever tenderness breaks me open,

expressed in touch, kisses, words,

saying how much I cherish

their miraculous existence so tremendous

as teachers, family, loyal confidants,

who ignite my generous spirit

while remembering missed human companions.

Full

Raised beds in fall condition waiting winter garden to be sown as act of expression.

Full

10/13/11

Steady work

crams time

for self

into hours

before, after,

where weekend

promises reprieve

if not

filled by

other responsibilites,

social gatherings,

current projects

at home

waiting completion,

and aspirations

of expression

in workshop,

writing den,

on land,

plus reading

numerous books

while open

to inspiration

spontaneously arriving

adding to

full life.

Due Diligence

Sun exaltation under tree canopy on land I live on.

(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Due Diligence

10/12/11

I breathe in electric ecstasy

that makes my heart soar

while walking outside to kitchen

downstairs when greeting 'full moon',

magnificent as it outshines stars,

hearing crickets sing their symphony

exalting warm Indian Summer night

soon to turn morning glory,

there's something in atmosphere quality

which immediately boosts my aliveness

having me sit on steps

under tree canopy with cat,

taking it in, becoming One

with this expression of Existence

showing up as nonstop Beauty

in small and large ways,

every part taking it's cue

from others intricately interconnected to,

becoming seamless Mystery that inspires,

catalyzes, invigorates my cellular body

no longer separated from rest

of Creation, these plants, animals,

elements, earth, air, fire, water,

totally absorbed, at peace with

how Life shows up daily

reminding me of due diligence.

On Knees

View of water, beach, Wharf, lighthouse, Boardwalk, on deck filled with tools to cut trim.

Santa Cruz, California

On Knees

10/11/11

Started applying baseboard on beach

home project with sweet view

at end of 16th avenue,

now employed by contractor neighbor

who also has another job

waiting for me next week

on last Hidden Valley residence,

to rebuild glass enclosed octagon

perched atop roof above kitchen

that's been leaked on forever,

again I'll be hunched over,

legs bent, my joints padded,

though smack dab in middle

of 360 degree expansive beauty

seeing for miles across bay,

Santa Cruz mountains beyond ridges,

both these jobs remind childhood

kneeling in pews of church,

humbly praying for help, Guidance,

bringing all concerns to God

letting fears and sins release,

feeling better for the penance

delivering 'new attitude' when completed,

one of always bowing down

in appreciation for miraculous life

while on knees in service.

Temporarily Closed

The sun about to be temporarily closed for business in Santa Cruz, California.

Temporarily Closed

10/10/11

Columbus Day shut bank, post office,

government business departments I wanted open

to handle affairs when off work,

made me adjust my plans accordingly

ending up at Starbucks with computer

keeping pace as 'Money Mystics' participant,

curious about written answers to questions

asked on latest video exploring 'abundance'

while getting clear concerning 'self sabotage'

that cuts me off from resources

I could use to support myself,

other folks believed in, nonprofit organizations,

friends, family, becoming a generous patron

with 'currency as energy' moving through,

not hoarding in fearful, greedy manner,

instead removing shutters that block love

light in heart yearning for expression,

expanse, as alchemist playing with potential,

letting go of old judgments stymying

Life Force meant to enliven exchange

in circumstances, appreciating, inspiring what's possible

inside every human, no matter degree

of denial around abilities to generate

wealth, as if dollars arbitrarily decide

one's worth, but really only point

toward temporarily closed willingness to commit.

Guardian Angel

One of four 'attribute angels' on walls in Celtic inspired chapel.

Compton, Surrey, England

Guardian Angel

10/9/11

Recently, neighbor couple, old friends,

dropped in unannounced during walk

which was wonderful joyous surprise,

where afterward I received book

as gift, 'The Gentle Way'

penned by 'Tom T. Moore'

introducing 'most benevolent outcome' requests

to be used for everything,

from mundane to urgently important

in life, love, business, health,

anything, like wanting parking space,

so I'm using simple process

that engages my 'guiding companion'

disowned at ten years old

when 'momma's boy' smoked cigarette,

lied, did what was unapproved

by Catholic Church, parents, society,

not wanting 'witness' over shoulder

activating 'conscience' to remind me

about straying from 'high road'

seen as unreachable, unrealistic, joyless,

severely strict, disciplined, innately unexciting,

this began fall from grace

as 'alone' wolf struggling since,

dependent on my paltry humanness,

disconnected, hard, without intentional prayer

for myself, others, this world,

failing to embrace Guardian Angel.

Absorbed

'Chaminade' sailboat entering harbor after sunset tour, framed between two lighthouses.

Santa Cruz, California

Absorbed

10/8/11

It's fascinating phenomenon

to be consumed

during creative process,

where mind dances

between brain hemispheres

making decisions based

on intuition, reason,

calmly drawing from

well of inspiration,

fluidly timing actions

within ebb, flow,

even when challenges

bringing seemingly contrary

circumstance to ponder

provoke acute attention

toward details unfolding,

held strictly, loosely,

depending puzzle piece

being dealt with

and final result

anticipated, not seen

until last stroke

of genius channeled

through my senses

as Life Force

I'm absorbed in.

Squeeze

A second set of steps completed in the nick of time for 'Open Studios' starting today.

Squeeze

10/7/11

I do this sometimes,

put myself under pressure

by being in denial

about urgency or importance

until 'last minute' inspires

concerted effort toward completion

that supplies needed impetus

via adrenaline to persevere

what I've been procrastinating,

because no joy came

with guiding intuition when

checking in with myself

and trusted body wisdom

until finally realizing I

hadn't focused on completion,

only the tedious doing

which mostly appears unappetizing,

so I've become curious

wondering about underlying pattern

which could be permeating

intimate relationship with love,

money, aspirations around writing,

art, improvement projects, partnership,

expecting an easy unfoldment

as if somehow entitled,

always finding the time

when feeling deadline squeeze.

Makes Headway

New set of steps over old that I'm currently working on.

Makes Headway

10/6/11

Simple steps, everyday action,

set course in motion

toward an eventual completion

of long delayed project

that drains Life Force

while thinking about it,

wondering how and when

I'll designate time, effort,

to follow things through,

which effects work elsewhere

wanting clients pleased, myself,

reminding I come first

because subjugation isn't effective,

self-imposed, or by others,

needing to trust Guidance

coming in small bits

as gut intuition, hunch,

to claim my life

utilizing dedicated 'soul authority'

deciding future from 'core',

what will play out

whether succeeding, or failing,

all the time learning

even during procrastination process,

whatever I'm attentive to

makes headway each day.

Adjustments

First October rain that threw rainbows to the east while washing things clean.

Adjustments

10/5/11

Can I dance

to piper's erratic rhythmic beat,

forever playing

quiet, loud, fast, slow,

accumulated

past, future, now,

creates cacophony in memory banks

becoming dust

upon annuals of time,

testing

flexibility, openness to

spontaneous acceptance of 'what is',

moving fluidly

as weather, environment, change

throwing

rainbows, storms, sunshine,

ushering in smile, frown, peace

of mind,

because Soul deeply trusts

interconnection

with miraculous Source,

reminding again 'All is One'

big event'

occurring simultaneously at moment,

regardless

any adjustments made.

Emergence

Dragonfly visiting 'GT' and I at mountain lake in Mt. Shasta.

Emergence

10/4/11

Two years since 'dragonfly' poem

written in blog declaring intentions,

boldly claiming 'soul destiny' directive

from poetically fluid development period

within dark depths of liquidity,

influenced by currents on surface

stirring up rich wisdom lessons

as ingredients to strengthen understanding

around deep commitment 'transformation' needs,

whenever exiting water's emotional environment

to enter air's clear domain,

becoming sleek, beautiful, solo pilot

loving powerful rainbow inspired form,

whole, fast, versatile, awe inspiring,

exquisitely sensitive to shimmering light

illuminating translucent, strong, gossamer wings,

where I'll dart over terrain

flying effortlessly, suspended in breeze,

go up, down, forward, reverse,

a witness observing constant change

occurring on winds of time,

using mercurial mind, multifaceted eyes,

many legs, to maneuver reality,

dreams waiting my surprise discovery,

using newly found perspective birthed

from miraculous emergence still unfolding.

New Information

Snow dusted mountain in Scotland with monument honoring first World War soldiers.

New Information

10/3/11

Interviewed Erik Peper on 'Fighting Cancer'

a book about nontoxic treatment approach

chalked full of inspiring educational practices

with sections on asking questions, recording

instructions, warning against making decisions influenced

by 'fight, flight, freeze,' knee jerk,

ways to live healthy that empower

people which strengthens their immune system,

useful even if not fighting disease,

while talking about personal growth tools

such as visualization, inner dialogue, emotions,

influences of posture, energy drains, enhancers,

exercises to promote relaxation, or motivation,

eating good food, getting regular sleep,

being creative and having supportive environment

of friends, family, community that encourage,

help, are there for real conversations

around fears, hopes, sense of purpose,

sharing love, all important in choosing

to persevere, utilizing an expanded outlook

when defeat of one's diagnosed condition

feels like mountain that dwarfs abilities,

resources, and willingness to actively engage

fighting capabilities on successful 'hero journey',

pinpointing dragons to slay after using

new information to enact daring strategies.

Invitation

Advertising in train station at Helsinki, Finland.

Invitations

10/1/11

Spoken or not, we are inundated

by opportunities to enter daily relationship

with Life on simple, grand scale,

often taken as demand if unwanted

no matter how it's sneakily disguised

by someone wanting resulting behavioral outcome

when coerced by partner, co-workers, boss,

or society with do, don't, directives

plus advertising looking to hook you

while sex sells clothes, lifestyle, alcohol,

through media churning out mixed messages,

all these coming from exterior sources,

'requests', originating on inside, are different

and can become a sincere prayer

asking for benevolent outcome in future

as intentional, expansively non-specific affirmation,

whether desiring parking space, love, money,

work, health, new openings in arenas

of Existence that have been closed

due to shortsightedness, fear, disbelief, arrogance,

any number of limiting mental constructs

meant for protection, though they strangle

surprising promising potential ably transforming world,

how we see, hear, feel others,

ourselves, every moment minus acquired prejudices,

whenever witnessing disturbance as Soul invitation.

Join In

Old 'medicine circle' of friends I joined in with from past Ehama Institute days

Join In

9/30/11

How long have I kept distance

not letting friends, acquaintances, get close,

holed up in my little sanctuary

away from loved ones without sharing

beauty of this land, home, myself,

because there's been shame around condition

of how I 'represent' in world,

everything in some sort of process

that from outside could look crazy,

like I often feel on inside

when out of hand risks fail,

coming back here to 'what is'

tail between legs as if beaten

to remember and appreciate my blessings,

what good I add to world,

where my heart dwells amid chaos,

while gaining new perspectives as impetus

for action to break through confinement

I've implemented when fearing disparaging judgment

by others for how I've orchestrated

my life until now, reviewing images,

attitudes, opinions, beliefs, results kept secret,

this critical mind blocking original pathways

toward joy, abundance, love, community inclusion,

thinking it knows best, but doesn't

whenever choosing to not join in.