Uneven Ground

The uneven Earth at Koli's Crystal Mountain in Finland.

Uneven Ground

10/17/11

Not easy keeping balance

when Earth moves underneath

with gravity pulling down

on curvy sloped roads,

pathways up hill, dale,

so much getting underfoot,

there are high, low

choices to be made

from vista to canyon

under sun splintered canopies

and fully exposed expanse,

while work, play intermingle,

take ping pong turns,

all one then another,

bringing serious presence, laughter,

experiencing bumps in life

within topsy turvy consciousness

that's often easily distracted,

feeling entitled to receive

joy, pleasure, peaceful living,

as white American male

having had good fortune

in years fondly remembered,

now back to beginnings

humbled by Nature's rough

uneven ground of Existence.

Companions

'Byron Kitty' and 'Little Wing' dog.

Companions

10/15/11

I'm so very happily blessed

to have amazing animal creatures

sharing wonderful life with me,

'Byron Kitty' kneading my stomach,

'Wing' dog snoring on pillow,

these 'friends' like no others

so unconditionally loving, fully present,

exquisitely beautiful in their 'being-ness',

responsiveness, ways of uninhibited actions

which bring laughter, joy, wonder

about what they're thinking, feeling,

plus awe for unique shape,

embodied form, every perfect hair

precisely colored, placed, a masterpiece

created as one of kind

that fills heart to overflowing,

has me smiling in marvel

for how lucky I am

sharing many wonderful daily moments

whenever tenderness breaks me open,

expressed in touch, kisses, words,

saying how much I cherish

their miraculous existence so tremendous

as teachers, family, loyal confidants,

who ignite my generous spirit

while remembering missed human companions.

Full

Raised beds in fall condition waiting winter garden to be sown as act of expression.

Full

10/13/11

Steady work

crams time

for self

into hours

before, after,

where weekend

promises reprieve

if not

filled by

other responsibilites,

social gatherings,

current projects

at home

waiting completion,

and aspirations

of expression

in workshop,

writing den,

on land,

plus reading

numerous books

while open

to inspiration

spontaneously arriving

adding to

full life.

Due Diligence

Sun exaltation under tree canopy on land I live on.

(photo by Art Durand Photography)

Due Diligence

10/12/11

I breathe in electric ecstasy

that makes my heart soar

while walking outside to kitchen

downstairs when greeting 'full moon',

magnificent as it outshines stars,

hearing crickets sing their symphony

exalting warm Indian Summer night

soon to turn morning glory,

there's something in atmosphere quality

which immediately boosts my aliveness

having me sit on steps

under tree canopy with cat,

taking it in, becoming One

with this expression of Existence

showing up as nonstop Beauty

in small and large ways,

every part taking it's cue

from others intricately interconnected to,

becoming seamless Mystery that inspires,

catalyzes, invigorates my cellular body

no longer separated from rest

of Creation, these plants, animals,

elements, earth, air, fire, water,

totally absorbed, at peace with

how Life shows up daily

reminding me of due diligence.

On Knees

View of water, beach, Wharf, lighthouse, Boardwalk, on deck filled with tools to cut trim.

Santa Cruz, California

On Knees

10/11/11

Started applying baseboard on beach

home project with sweet view

at end of 16th avenue,

now employed by contractor neighbor

who also has another job

waiting for me next week

on last Hidden Valley residence,

to rebuild glass enclosed octagon

perched atop roof above kitchen

that's been leaked on forever,

again I'll be hunched over,

legs bent, my joints padded,

though smack dab in middle

of 360 degree expansive beauty

seeing for miles across bay,

Santa Cruz mountains beyond ridges,

both these jobs remind childhood

kneeling in pews of church,

humbly praying for help, Guidance,

bringing all concerns to God

letting fears and sins release,

feeling better for the penance

delivering 'new attitude' when completed,

one of always bowing down

in appreciation for miraculous life

while on knees in service.

Temporarily Closed

The sun about to be temporarily closed for business in Santa Cruz, California.

Temporarily Closed

10/10/11

Columbus Day shut bank, post office,

government business departments I wanted open

to handle affairs when off work,

made me adjust my plans accordingly

ending up at Starbucks with computer

keeping pace as 'Money Mystics' participant,

curious about written answers to questions

asked on latest video exploring 'abundance'

while getting clear concerning 'self sabotage'

that cuts me off from resources

I could use to support myself,

other folks believed in, nonprofit organizations,

friends, family, becoming a generous patron

with 'currency as energy' moving through,

not hoarding in fearful, greedy manner,

instead removing shutters that block love

light in heart yearning for expression,

expanse, as alchemist playing with potential,

letting go of old judgments stymying

Life Force meant to enliven exchange

in circumstances, appreciating, inspiring what's possible

inside every human, no matter degree

of denial around abilities to generate

wealth, as if dollars arbitrarily decide

one's worth, but really only point

toward temporarily closed willingness to commit.

Guardian Angel

One of four 'attribute angels' on walls in Celtic inspired chapel.

Compton, Surrey, England

Guardian Angel

10/9/11

Recently, neighbor couple, old friends,

dropped in unannounced during walk

which was wonderful joyous surprise,

where afterward I received book

as gift, 'The Gentle Way'

penned by 'Tom T. Moore'

introducing 'most benevolent outcome' requests

to be used for everything,

from mundane to urgently important

in life, love, business, health,

anything, like wanting parking space,

so I'm using simple process

that engages my 'guiding companion'

disowned at ten years old

when 'momma's boy' smoked cigarette,

lied, did what was unapproved

by Catholic Church, parents, society,

not wanting 'witness' over shoulder

activating 'conscience' to remind me

about straying from 'high road'

seen as unreachable, unrealistic, joyless,

severely strict, disciplined, innately unexciting,

this began fall from grace

as 'alone' wolf struggling since,

dependent on my paltry humanness,

disconnected, hard, without intentional prayer

for myself, others, this world,

failing to embrace Guardian Angel.

Absorbed

'Chaminade' sailboat entering harbor after sunset tour, framed between two lighthouses.

Santa Cruz, California

Absorbed

10/8/11

It's fascinating phenomenon

to be consumed

during creative process,

where mind dances

between brain hemispheres

making decisions based

on intuition, reason,

calmly drawing from

well of inspiration,

fluidly timing actions

within ebb, flow,

even when challenges

bringing seemingly contrary

circumstance to ponder

provoke acute attention

toward details unfolding,

held strictly, loosely,

depending puzzle piece

being dealt with

and final result

anticipated, not seen

until last stroke

of genius channeled

through my senses

as Life Force

I'm absorbed in.

Squeeze

A second set of steps completed in the nick of time for 'Open Studios' starting today.

Squeeze

10/7/11

I do this sometimes,

put myself under pressure

by being in denial

about urgency or importance

until 'last minute' inspires

concerted effort toward completion

that supplies needed impetus

via adrenaline to persevere

what I've been procrastinating,

because no joy came

with guiding intuition when

checking in with myself

and trusted body wisdom

until finally realizing I

hadn't focused on completion,

only the tedious doing

which mostly appears unappetizing,

so I've become curious

wondering about underlying pattern

which could be permeating

intimate relationship with love,

money, aspirations around writing,

art, improvement projects, partnership,

expecting an easy unfoldment

as if somehow entitled,

always finding the time

when feeling deadline squeeze.

Makes Headway

New set of steps over old that I'm currently working on.

Makes Headway

10/6/11

Simple steps, everyday action,

set course in motion

toward an eventual completion

of long delayed project

that drains Life Force

while thinking about it,

wondering how and when

I'll designate time, effort,

to follow things through,

which effects work elsewhere

wanting clients pleased, myself,

reminding I come first

because subjugation isn't effective,

self-imposed, or by others,

needing to trust Guidance

coming in small bits

as gut intuition, hunch,

to claim my life

utilizing dedicated 'soul authority'

deciding future from 'core',

what will play out

whether succeeding, or failing,

all the time learning

even during procrastination process,

whatever I'm attentive to

makes headway each day.

Adjustments

First October rain that threw rainbows to the east while washing things clean.

Adjustments

10/5/11

Can I dance

to piper's erratic rhythmic beat,

forever playing

quiet, loud, fast, slow,

accumulated

past, future, now,

creates cacophony in memory banks

becoming dust

upon annuals of time,

testing

flexibility, openness to

spontaneous acceptance of 'what is',

moving fluidly

as weather, environment, change

throwing

rainbows, storms, sunshine,

ushering in smile, frown, peace

of mind,

because Soul deeply trusts

interconnection

with miraculous Source,

reminding again 'All is One'

big event'

occurring simultaneously at moment,

regardless

any adjustments made.

Emergence

Dragonfly visiting 'GT' and I at mountain lake in Mt. Shasta.

Emergence

10/4/11

Two years since 'dragonfly' poem

written in blog declaring intentions,

boldly claiming 'soul destiny' directive

from poetically fluid development period

within dark depths of liquidity,

influenced by currents on surface

stirring up rich wisdom lessons

as ingredients to strengthen understanding

around deep commitment 'transformation' needs,

whenever exiting water's emotional environment

to enter air's clear domain,

becoming sleek, beautiful, solo pilot

loving powerful rainbow inspired form,

whole, fast, versatile, awe inspiring,

exquisitely sensitive to shimmering light

illuminating translucent, strong, gossamer wings,

where I'll dart over terrain

flying effortlessly, suspended in breeze,

go up, down, forward, reverse,

a witness observing constant change

occurring on winds of time,

using mercurial mind, multifaceted eyes,

many legs, to maneuver reality,

dreams waiting my surprise discovery,

using newly found perspective birthed

from miraculous emergence still unfolding.

New Information

Snow dusted mountain in Scotland with monument honoring first World War soldiers.

New Information

10/3/11

Interviewed Erik Peper on 'Fighting Cancer'

a book about nontoxic treatment approach

chalked full of inspiring educational practices

with sections on asking questions, recording

instructions, warning against making decisions influenced

by 'fight, flight, freeze,' knee jerk,

ways to live healthy that empower

people which strengthens their immune system,

useful even if not fighting disease,

while talking about personal growth tools

such as visualization, inner dialogue, emotions,

influences of posture, energy drains, enhancers,

exercises to promote relaxation, or motivation,

eating good food, getting regular sleep,

being creative and having supportive environment

of friends, family, community that encourage,

help, are there for real conversations

around fears, hopes, sense of purpose,

sharing love, all important in choosing

to persevere, utilizing an expanded outlook

when defeat of one's diagnosed condition

feels like mountain that dwarfs abilities,

resources, and willingness to actively engage

fighting capabilities on successful 'hero journey',

pinpointing dragons to slay after using

new information to enact daring strategies.

Invitation

Advertising in train station at Helsinki, Finland.

Invitations

10/1/11

Spoken or not, we are inundated

by opportunities to enter daily relationship

with Life on simple, grand scale,

often taken as demand if unwanted

no matter how it's sneakily disguised

by someone wanting resulting behavioral outcome

when coerced by partner, co-workers, boss,

or society with do, don't, directives

plus advertising looking to hook you

while sex sells clothes, lifestyle, alcohol,

through media churning out mixed messages,

all these coming from exterior sources,

'requests', originating on inside, are different

and can become a sincere prayer

asking for benevolent outcome in future

as intentional, expansively non-specific affirmation,

whether desiring parking space, love, money,

work, health, new openings in arenas

of Existence that have been closed

due to shortsightedness, fear, disbelief, arrogance,

any number of limiting mental constructs

meant for protection, though they strangle

surprising promising potential ably transforming world,

how we see, hear, feel others,

ourselves, every moment minus acquired prejudices,

whenever witnessing disturbance as Soul invitation.

Join In

Old 'medicine circle' of friends I joined in with from past Ehama Institute days

Join In

9/30/11

How long have I kept distance

not letting friends, acquaintances, get close,

holed up in my little sanctuary

away from loved ones without sharing

beauty of this land, home, myself,

because there's been shame around condition

of how I 'represent' in world,

everything in some sort of process

that from outside could look crazy,

like I often feel on inside

when out of hand risks fail,

coming back here to 'what is'

tail between legs as if beaten

to remember and appreciate my blessings,

what good I add to world,

where my heart dwells amid chaos,

while gaining new perspectives as impetus

for action to break through confinement

I've implemented when fearing disparaging judgment

by others for how I've orchestrated

my life until now, reviewing images,

attitudes, opinions, beliefs, results kept secret,

this critical mind blocking original pathways

toward joy, abundance, love, community inclusion,

thinking it knows best, but doesn't

whenever choosing to not join in.

Small Advances

My wee home in distance beyond my neighbor's house and out buildings.

Small Advances

9/29/11

I love where I live,

blessed to be on land

of great beauty and horizons,

lovingly held by strong trees

daily emitting their symbolic wisdom,

plus birds, animals, plants surrounding,

and the potential just waiting

in workshop, writing den, home,

this nest of continuous transformation

adjoined by neighbors, friends, community,

where my eccentricities are accepted,

though, fair enough, rarely understood

as often I don't either,

especially during transitions that test

my mettle when contraction, expansion,

separate skin of old self

from that being newly born

when lethargy opens to emergence

of idea supplying enough energy

to begin simple action toward

doing something constructive for joy,

delivered during process of completion

and at end bringing satisfaction

because movement finally did occur,

turning into momentum after rising

up from where I'd fallen,

making small advances into future.

Upheaval

Stem of an ancient volcano near Paonia, Colorado.

Upheaval

9/28/11

Disruption, eruption, life in flux, chaos,

everyone being challenged to re-evaluate position,

what they know, or think so,

somehow opening to new circumstantial perspectives

because the old ones aren't valid,

revealed by results laid at feet

that even most stubborn must recognize

when attempting square hole, round peg,

this can threaten the sacred pillars

holding up nation, community, family, oneself,

where Existence looks like random experiment

gone bad in God's heavenly laboratory,

the concept of which threatened also

if entertaining thoughts about strict evolution

as atheist believing in empirical model

installing western intellect above any sacredness,

mysticism, miracle, quantified by bland terminology

saying such phenomenon hasn't been investigated

to point explaining surety, but will

in future if mankind can survive,

yet, is kind of world remaining

one worth living in without spirituality,

not talking dogmas prevalent in religions

mimicked in economic, political, philosophical systems,

instead more 'Big Mind', 'Soul Consciousness',

imbedded in 'Source' weathering any upheaval.

Non-conformist

My shadow side at workshop window.

(photo by Art Durand Photography

Non-comformist

9/27/11

Monday night attended 'Money Mystics' talk

after interviewing the speaker Sunday morning

on my KZSC public affairs program,

perfect timing as debt still continues

because of decisions I've been making

around work, travel, dream pursuits,

relationship, what's important for life quality,

though jury is out on latter

as living on financial edge frays

parts of my psyche with discontent,

no longer smug from rebellious pride

that I'm succeeding by being 'alternative',

disheartened every time existence demands subservience

to living within means of capitalism,

a system I've never cared for,

discovering yesterday evening this shadow side

of disowned ego aspect that sabotages

any venture leading toward economic prosperity

for fear I'll become 'infected addict'

joining homogenized ranks of submissive populace

whose worth depends on monetary abundance

herded like sheep into box stalls

by financiers running crooked con game,

yet finally glimpsing I'm prison warden

limiting myself with misguided attitude suppressing

ability to really engage non-conformist potential.

Out Of Sync

Symbolic photo of wondering which route to take on the dusty backroads of my mind.

(photo by TD in Finland)

Out Of Sync

9/26/11

There are times when I feel lazy

while hard to stoke fire in belly

for any unfinished old projects, pressing business,

or to start something original and extraordinary,

where I begin loose self diagnostic process

that goes from compassionately discerning to judgmental,

evaluating where I have recently come from

with energy expended bringing 'less than' results

compared to dream scenarios of total fruition,

followed by peering future yet to form

recognizing what I neglected is home waiting

concerted effort toward coming back into alignment

which can overwhelm me in present moment,

kind of sit heavily on my chest

creating a depression like funky lower vibration

verily smothering any impetus for continuing valiantly

as rebellious lone wolf living life differently

than people judged unwilling to risk failure,

because fear punctures hole in stomach chakra

draining necessary Life Force required for successfully

persevering through daily challenges both big, small,

yet, for awhile, I enter powerless world

questioning my existence during relatively lethargic weekend

wallowing in unproductive distractions of rare malaise

feeling into body for some guiding impetus,

identifying reoccurring pattern as remembered pendulum swing

when out of sync from accustomed potency.

Balance

Spitzer family and friends the morning after Mom's 88th birthday celebration.

Jack London Square, Oakland, California

Balance

9/24/11

Wisdom to live by is essential

for a populace when making decisions

on micro level of daily action,

and macro, within political arena,

it's sad to hear everything but

in avalanche of media sound bites

that confuse citizenry over what's true

played to engage reaction, not response,

which would require intelligent measured discussions,

compassion for another's experience, being humane

when considering effect on livelihoods, environments,

species extinction, qualities of healthy life,

all the different ways we interact,

there are many collections of knowledge

gleaned from world's great spiritual masters

hidden away in privileged private libraries

only accessible to those with money,

time, and initial well educated upbringing,

who believe there must be more

to life than just base essentials,

if lucky, a family has tradition

based on integrity, high moral standards

of love, forgiveness, respect, shared joy,

utilizing mottos directing members toward fulfillment,

'Moderation is the key.' 'Be happy.'

'Follow your bliss.' and 'Stay balanced.'